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Happy national gardening day 🌱🌸 may you have Happy national gardening day 🌱🌸 may you have a bountiful crop this year, whatever you grow! ((Peony tip: feed early-emerging shoots with a high phosphorus fertilizer for strong, lush blooms!)). Find more gardening tips on the blog, link is in my bio 🌿
Liam ♡ In an alternate universe we would be cele Liam ♡ In an alternate universe we would be celebrating your first birthday. You should be crawling around, playing, laughing and eating too much cake today.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
You should be here.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
My sweet boy I miss you more than words, I ache to hold you. We walked the orchard and planted flower seeds in your memory. We got winks from you in the form of the earth waking up, all the yellow blooms, including your magnolia which couldn’t have had better timing. It’s comforting to see you say hi.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
And still, you should be here.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
He was here for a time. He existed. He mattered. He deserves to be celebrated.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I loved him from the second I saw the +test. I fell deeper in love every time I saw his energetic body bounce around on the ultrasound screen, I have all the blissful bump photos and I have the memory of his sweet little kicks. God I miss those kicks.⁣⁣⠀
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My love did not end when he died.⁣⁣⠀
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Liam’s ashes, a few scan photos, my memory and an index card with his footprints are all that remains. I both hate that this is all I have left and am eternally grateful that I have them at all.⁣⁣⠀
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I found some comfort today but these anniversaries are also hard. I relive the trauma. The terror, shock, fear, disbelief, agony of being told your baby is dying. So deep and so crushing. Part of me died in that moment, part of me will never be the same again.⁣⁣⠀
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There is nothing in this world more painful than living without your baby. You feel the heaviness, the absence, the longing for them constantly. The grief is always there, it ebbs and flows but it changes you to your core. You adapt to feeling the constant emptiness, your aching heart, your soft but heavy eyes, the shortness of your breath, that lump in your throat.⁣⁣⠀
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And yet, I feel immensely fortunate to have carried you for every moment of your life. I will never regret the time we spent together, loving you, carrying you, feeling you, celebrating you and envisioning the life you would have had. I will carry the insatiable longing to hold you until the day I die. You will always be my baby. You will always be missed. I will never stop loving and mothering you, my sweet Liam James ❤️
How did we do with the bow!? It’s growing on me How did we do with the bow!? It’s growing on me I think 🥰😍
April 3, 2021 • just us this Easter weekend 💗 April 3, 2021 • just us this Easter weekend 💗
I’m not quite sure how she turned 5 months in th I’m not quite sure how she turned 5 months in the blink of an eye 🥺 My Elora. We are doing great ❤️ we’re nursing and bedsharing and babywearing and contact napping and I’m literally soaking in every moment with her. Months 4 and 5 have been the best yet. My body knows what to do and I follow her cues. We’re super in tune and I feel like it’s making both of us happier humans.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
There is this unspoken narrative in our society that somehow attachment between mom and baby is a weakness, a crutch. I say f that, it’s one of the most beautiful strengths that exists in this universe. Period.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Mama if you’re reading this and need some validation or reassurance, I got you. It’s ok to cuddle and rock and nurse and sing your baby to sleep. Follow your instincts, tune out the noise, feel empowered in your motherly intuition and find your confidence in that. It is so incredibly liberating.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I know it’s a confusing landscape out there for new moms, I hear you, it’s easy to get overwhelmed and stress that you’re not doing something “right” or that your baby is “broken.” I’m not saying motherhood is easy for me, it’s the hardest (and best) thing I’ve ever done, but when women have the support they actually need and feel empowered in motherhood, that’s next-level world-changing stuff.⁣⁣⁣⠀
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Mama knows best, never forget it ❤️
Pregnancy after loss (PAL). Wrapping up this month Pregnancy after loss (PAL). Wrapping up this month of #pregnancyafterloss awareness by answering my two most asked questions ——⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
How did I know I was ready to try again and how did I survive my PAL?⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Well friend, I have no definitive answer for you. I don’t know how I knew I was “ready,” I just knew I desperately wanted to be pregnant again, and I do not know how I survived.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Contrary to what I thought prior to having my own PAL experience, I was not “better” or “healed” or “over” my baby’s death once pregnant again. I think the only thing I could do was lean into the conflicting feelings and accept that they coexist for me (grief and joy, for example).⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I want to share with you the two thoughts that did help ——⁣⁣⠀
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1. We were not replacing our baby (Liam), we were adding a sibling. Luca would be a big brother, as would Liam. My heart would expand for another child, not an “instead” child. Truly believing and accepting this was very helpful to me in my moments of guilt.⁣⁣⠀
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2. This was the most profound realization for me: That I would love this baby whether she lived or died. How did I know this? Because the grief I feel for Liam is love. I love my babies from the moment I know they exist. So during my PAL I thought, if this baby died too it wouldn’t change that love. I embraced and accepted that. I think it’s actually what allowed me to take these maternity pictures two weeks before she was born. It wasn’t hope, it was that I loved her and would want to remember our time together either way.⁣⁣⠀
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So maybe that is how I was able to survive. One day at a time, one thought at a time, facing the hard truths, embracing the pain of loss. Because, I’ll be honest, hope was hard for me.⁣⁣⠀
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Do I have magical advice? No. PAL was hard, it was a shitstorm of emotions and I feel like I just held on for dear life. Do whatever you have to do to survive, just know you are not crazy for the feelings. You are human 🤍

More resources can be found in my PAL highlights, reels and on my blog (link in bio) under ‘baby loss.’
This sweet babe is growing so fast!⁣⁣⠀
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Our beautiful @shoplovedua bassinet has been one of our most used baby items this time around! Functional and timeless, it is an item that grows with your babe, AND it’s discounted 25% today — head over to their page to shop 🥳⁣⁣⠀
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📷: @mymotherhoodstory
Growing through it 🌿 I was thinking back and re Growing through it 🌿 I was thinking back and reflecting on the past 365 days this morning. It’s been a rollercoaster to say the least.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Early March 2020 I found out I was pregnant again after back to back losses. I was hopeful and relieved but also doubtful, disconnected and terrified. I spoke in “ifs” not “whens.” I felt guilt and resentment and anger but also was so incredibly grateful.⁣⁣⠀
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We were quickly approaching Liam’s edd in April, a time that I deeply dreaded, and not even one week later went into full lock down pandemic mode.⁣⁣⠀
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I was a total wreck. Things felt veryyy out of control and uncertain.⁣⁣⠀
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I did the only thing I could do, I focused on what I could control. I continued therapy, started using tools like essential oils to help me stay grounded + present and threw myself full force into gardening.⁣⁣⠀
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I quite literally and physically GREW through my anxiety, pain and grief last year. My garden kept me grounded and sane and helped me feel connected to my body and my heart, out in the garden was one of the only places I felt safe letting my mind wander and imagine a living baby in my arms.⁣⁣⠀
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Growing veggies and flowers for my family was within my control and was exactly what I needed in this situation of heavy uncertainty — uncertainty both within myself and in the world.⁣⁣⠀
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March 2020 and March 2021 Christines are very different, I’ve realized the journey isn’t TO healing, healing IS the journey, it’s doesn’t ever end. I’m proud of where I’m at and humbled to think about where I’ve come from 💗
Elora Leigh is 4 months old!⁣⁣⠀ ⁣⁣⠀ MY Elora Leigh is 4 months old!⁣⁣⠀
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MY LORD. The joy and light this little girl brings our family🥺 If you would have told me last year that in one year’s time we would have had a baby and be living in a pandemic idk which one I would have believed less. Probably the baby. And yet here we are. Surviving through a pandemic with a toddler and a baby. AND A BABY.⁣⁣⠀
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My pregnancy with Elora was one of the most mentally challenging things I’ve ever done. Pregnancy after loss is extremelyyyy difficult (for reasons I will go into on a future post). Pregnancy after loss during an unexpected pandemic.... intense to say the least.⁣⁣⠀
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I could not speak in absolutes about the future, as grateful and as hopeful as I was I could barely speak about being pregnant again. Yes, I allowed myself feel all the things but in a way I’m only just now starting to process everything I felt during her pregnancy (thank you therapy🙌). For much of it I was in denial that I would actually get to bring a living baby home. The trauma and ptsd from losing Liam was ever-present. I was next level terrified she too would die before I ever got to meet her. I was holding my breath and hanging on for dear life.⁣⁣⠀
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So every single time I look at this girl I am still in disbelief that she’s here. She is here and she is healthy and she is thriving. The miracle that she is is not lost on me, the miracle that ANY baby is born healthy and alive is not lost on me. Every single day with my kids is a gift, as much as I lose my f*cking mindddd🤪 every day with my babies is a gift.⁣⁣⠀
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These days we’ve learned to celebrate the simple things and the little things, and today that’s four beautiful and chaotic months with our sweet baby girl💕
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Christine Covino

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Skincare Tips For Summer

September 3, 2019 / Beauty & Style

Looking for skincare tips for summer? Check out my recs for the best skin care tips that you need to know for great looking skin!

 

This post may contain affiliate links.

Are you looking for skincare tips for summer? Check out my recommendations for the best skin care tips that you need to know for great looking skin!

Skincare Tips For Summer & My Current Routine

We just got back from our little spontaneous Cape Cod trip and I thought it would be helpful to share my updated skincare routine plus my travel must-haves for the beach!

If you read my winter skincare routine post you know I have superrrrr dry skin. It gets even drier when I spend time in the sun! I use all the protection and here in the Northeast we have a ton of humidity during summer, but it still takes a toll on my skin. I have tailored my routine to combat the dryness and harsh, constantly-changing weather and I’m sharing it all below!

Best part is all of these products are CLEAN! For the last year or so I have been trying to switch over to more clean beauty and household products and honestly my skin has been so much better than before!

To head straight the the gallery of shoppable images at the bottom of this post, CLICK HERE!

Below I’m sharing all my favorite summer skincare tips and clean beauty products I’ve been loving!

Are you looking for skincare tips for summer? Check out my recommendations for the best skin care tips that you need to know for great looking skin!

Are you looking for skincare tips for summer? Check out my recommendations for the best skin care tips that you need to know for great looking skin!

Morning Skincare Routine

Just a little note that ALL of the products in my routine are made with clean ingredients and never any weird or harmful ones!

1. Rinse and Cleanse

I rinse with JUST water, occasionally I’ll use a gentle cleanser like Biossance Squalane + Antioxidant Cleansing Oil but mostly just plain old water in the morning! The skincare goodness applied the night before is likely still soaking into your skin so I like to leave it alone unless I’m feeling extra greasy!

2. Serum Smoothie

Products: Drunk Elephant B-Hydra and C-Firma

I make a “smoothie” by mixing one pump of each of these serums together. As you will see if you read on I’m a huge fan of “smoothies,” aka mixing products together as opposed to layering. Many products work nicely when applied together plus it’s faster!

These two serums by Drunk Elephant are my favorites, they give my skin a nice wake-up shot of moisture fist thing in the morning! Vitamin B and C are a great example of two products that actually bring out the best in one another. Together they provide deep hydration, even out skin tone and help firm up loss of elasticity.

3. Moisturize and Tan

Products: BeautyCounter Countermatch Adaptive Moisture Lotion, Drunk Elephant Firming Eye Cream, Isle of Paradise Tanning Drops (in shade medium)

I mix together the moisturizer and Isle of Paradise tanning drops but only about every other day with the drops and only 2-3 drops to create the smoothie. I found that doing the tanning drops every day was too much, I got too dark! Also, little tip, make sure to thoroughly wash your hands after using the tanning drops to avoid orange fingers and hands!

The tanning drops are usually sold out (I always share when they come back into stock over on Instagram!), but if you’re looking for a quick fix I highly reccomend Drunk Elephant D-Bronzi Anti-Pollution Bronzing Lotion. It’s not an over-time tanning oil like the Isle of Paradise drops but it gives you an instant bronze glow and I LOVE it! PLUS it’s jam-packed with a ton of beneficial antioxidants, peptides, and vitamins for your skin!

The BeautyCounter moisturizer is one of my all time favorites, I’ve been using it everyday for almost two years! I love it because it’s moisturizing for my dry skin while also remaining weightless for daytime wear. And the Drunk elephant eye cream packs a super hydrating punch so it always wakes my under eye area right up when they’re looking pretty rough! It also is formulated to help firm up and improve your skin’s elasticity and combat fine lines/wrinkles which, I don’t know about you guys, but for me that’s where they are starting to show up!!

4. Lock It All In

Product: Biossance Squalane and Vitamin C Rose Oil

I have been using this oil on and off for about two years! Biossance is one of my favorite skincare brands and this oil is on of my favorite product they make! Below I’ve listed the main nutrients and what they do:

– Vitamin C: Helps increase the look of firmness and leaves skin with a radiant glow.
– Squalane: Hydrates while locking in essential moisture.
– Damascus Rose Extract: Awakens the senses and supports healthy-looking radiance.

5. Prime and Protect

Products: Supergoop Unseen Sunscreen and It Cosmetics CC Cream in medium

I wait about 20 minutes at least and then apply Supergoop Unseen Sunscreen as a primer (so freaking smooth, 40SPF and my make up has been lasting like no other since incorporating this into my routine!!). I finish with It Cosmetics CC Cream (shade medium) as a foundation and sunscreen for the day. It’s 50SPF and provides medium coverage, in the summer I only use a very little dot and spread it with my fingers!

Recently I’ve also been using Supergoop’s translucent setting powder with extra SPF to finish my makeup and get out the door quick!

Shop my AM Skincare Routine Here!

Are you looking for skincare tips for summer? Check out my recommendations for the best skin care tips that you need to know for great looking skin!

Are you looking for skincare tips for summer? Check out my recommendations for the best skin care tips that you need to know for great looking skin!

Are you looking for skincare tips for summer? Check out my recommendations for the best skin care tips that you need to know for great looking skin!

Are you looking for skincare tips for summer? Check out my recommendations for the best skin care tips that you need to know for great looking skin!

Nighttime Skincare Routine

Just a little note that ALL of the products in my routine are made with clean ingredients and never any weird or harmful ones!

1. Remove Makeup & Cleanse

Product: Drunk Elephant Makeup Melting Butter Cleansing Balm

The first step of my nighttime skincare routine is to remove my makeup. I used to swear by the BeautyCounter cleansing balms, (and I do still love it as far as cleansing balms go!) but my most recent obsession is the Drunk Elephant Makeup Melting Butter Cleansing Balm. It  and a clean damp muslin cloth. I also love the Biossance makeup removing wipes when in a pinch!

Shop My Favorite Cleansers Here!

Other Cleanser Favorites:

I’ve noticed that I break out when I over cleanse. So I do a few things to deal with this: I only use gentle cleansers, most mornings I don’t even use a cleanser, JUST water, and I only exfoliate twice a week. Once in the shower with Caudalie cream exfoliating cream cleanser and once by dermaplaning using my tinkle razor (swear by these things!! See my post HERE with more info!).

2. Serums

Products: Farmacy Resurfacing Honeymoon Glow Serum, followed by Youth to the People Glow Serum mixed with Biossance Squalane & Photo-Retinol Serum

The basic rule of thumb in applying skincare products is to go from lightest weight to heaviest. That’s why I start my night routine with this lightweight Farmacy serum, it goes on right after I’ve cleansed and patted my face dry with a clean towel (VERY important not to use dirty towels on your face!!). One pump is enough and I smooth it around evenly over my face, it helps with uneven skin tone, dullness and fine lines.

Next I do another “serum smoothie” and mix together two drops each of my Youth to the People Glow Serum and Biossance Squalane & Photo-Retinol Serum (this serum IS safe for pregnancy and breastfeeding because they use a natural, plant based retinol alternative called Bakuchiol. Read more about this fascinating ingredient HERE). This combo gives my skin instant hydration (it feels SO GOOD!) and does more fine line fighting. Out of my entire skincare routine the Biossance serum might be my favorite item, or its at least in my top three! It mimics the unparalleled effects of retinol but its NOT retinol and its safe for mamas!

3. Ultra-Hydrating Overnight Face Cream

Product: Summer Friday’s Jetlag Mask

Ok, THIS moisturizer might be my all time favorite skincare product. I’ll never be able to decide which is number one but this is for sure a top contender for my love! I probably sound like a broken record but for me my routine is all about moisturizing. When I am diligent about my routine and keep my skin remains hydrated it literally makes everything else better – less breakouts, less wrinkles and overall healthy-looking, glowing skin.

Anyway, this moisturizer (which can actually double as a hydrating mask) is the best I have ever found. It packs a mean hydration punch that you can feel as soon as it hits your skin! And the best part is, even given how hydrating it is, it can definitely be used on all skin types because there is no greasy feeling, just straight up hydration that you can feel working it’s magic alllllllll night long!

4. Lock It All In

Product: Drunk Elephant Marula Oil

THE HOLY GRAIL!! This stuff has magical powers I swear, it’s so silky smooth, its heavy so only 2-3 drops are needed and it locks everything in so all your products can do their thing over night! The technique for this oil is to gently pat it into your skin with your fingertips or palm, don’t rub!

Are you looking for skincare tips for summer? Check out my recommendations for the best skin care tips that you need to know for great looking skin!

Once a Week Routine

Dermaplaning, exfoliating, masking and microneedling! I wrote about my routine for these “extras” at length in THIS POST (scroll down to almost the bottom) but I will link the products below. Let me just say adding in these procedures just once a week has made a world of difference in my skin!!

Oh and for pimples THIS Drying Lotion is my holy grail! It works wonders and it’s only $17. And THIS Mask by Farmacy is a must have in my opinion!

Are you looking for skincare tips for summer? Check out my recommendations for the best skin care tips that you need to know for great looking skin!

Suncare

So I have different preferences for sunscreen depending on exactly what I am doing that given day. Regardless I am SUPER careful about the sun because despite being Italian I actually have pretty sun-sensitive skin and am covered in freckles, especially on my chest and nose!

For the Beach/Pool

Product: Supergoop Sundefying Sunscreen Body Oil SPF 50

As most of you already know I am a Supergoop fanatic. I have been for several years now and honestly I can’t see myself ever switching. They just KILL IT when it comes to sun protection and what I love is not only do their products actually work and protect but my skin FEELS BETTER (more nourished) after using them! It’s wild, but if you’ve ever tried their products I’m sure you can relate!

So for relaxing by the pool or beach (which, let’s be serious, doesn’t happen too often these days haha) I swear by their Sundefying Sunscreen Body Oil SPF 50. Yes, it’s an oil but damn does it protect. And not only does it protect but it actually allows me to have the most beautiful golden-bronze tan. I’m not just saying that either, my skin looks SO good when I use this and I always get compliments! No other sunscreen has ever done that for me, I’ll either get no color or I’ll burn. This stuff tho, this is my secret weapon for summer!!

For Everyday or Working Outside

Product: COOLA Mineral Sunscreen Spray SPF 30

I have worked outside for almost 10 years now. Not so much in the past year with having Luca, but before that with managing the farm store I was outside everyday. Needless to say I take sun protection very seriously. So for outside work days like when I’m gardening now, I like to use mineral sunscreens. My favorite mineral sunscreen I’ve found is this COOLA one, I like it because it lasts AND rubs in super smooth! Sometimes with mineral sunscreens you can have a lasting white residue (because its a physical blocker instead of chemical) but with this COOLA sunscreen I never get that, and it doesn’t dry out my skin at all either!

Are you looking for skincare tips for summer? Check out my recommendations for the best skin care tips that you need to know for great looking skin!

For Littles

Product: The Sunnyscreen Set by Supergoop

Supergoop has done it again! They killed it with their new kids line and they have me sold for years to come. Clean ingredients you can feel good about putting on your kids, double-bonus of hydrating their skin while protecting and stays on for hours even when swimming! Luca also has pretty sensitive skin and I was amazed by these products, dare I say I feel like they actually HELPED nourish his skin!! I might switch to this for myself when working outside because it’s a mineral sunscreen but hydrates and rubs in clear!

If you’re looking to get just one product and not the set, click here for the mineral spray ($26) and click here for the mineral lotion ($26).

Are you looking for skincare tips for summer? Check out my recommendations for the best skin care tips that you need to know for great looking skin!

Haircare

Just throwing this in there in case you were shopping for any new hair products! I am NOT a hair product guru (much more obsessed with skincare) but I do have a few items I love and use regularly!

I hope this post was helpful! I always love talking skincare so leave me a comment below with any questions or recommendations!

Shop All My Skincare Products Here!

 

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Meet Christine!

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Happy national gardening day 🌱🌸 may you have Happy national gardening day 🌱🌸 may you have a bountiful crop this year, whatever you grow! ((Peony tip: feed early-emerging shoots with a high phosphorus fertilizer for strong, lush blooms!)). Find more gardening tips on the blog, link is in my bio 🌿
Liam ♡ In an alternate universe we would be cele Liam ♡ In an alternate universe we would be celebrating your first birthday. You should be crawling around, playing, laughing and eating too much cake today.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
You should be here.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
My sweet boy I miss you more than words, I ache to hold you. We walked the orchard and planted flower seeds in your memory. We got winks from you in the form of the earth waking up, all the yellow blooms, including your magnolia which couldn’t have had better timing. It’s comforting to see you say hi.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
And still, you should be here.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
He was here for a time. He existed. He mattered. He deserves to be celebrated.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I loved him from the second I saw the +test. I fell deeper in love every time I saw his energetic body bounce around on the ultrasound screen, I have all the blissful bump photos and I have the memory of his sweet little kicks. God I miss those kicks.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
My love did not end when he died.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Liam’s ashes, a few scan photos, my memory and an index card with his footprints are all that remains. I both hate that this is all I have left and am eternally grateful that I have them at all.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I found some comfort today but these anniversaries are also hard. I relive the trauma. The terror, shock, fear, disbelief, agony of being told your baby is dying. So deep and so crushing. Part of me died in that moment, part of me will never be the same again.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
There is nothing in this world more painful than living without your baby. You feel the heaviness, the absence, the longing for them constantly. The grief is always there, it ebbs and flows but it changes you to your core. You adapt to feeling the constant emptiness, your aching heart, your soft but heavy eyes, the shortness of your breath, that lump in your throat.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
And yet, I feel immensely fortunate to have carried you for every moment of your life. I will never regret the time we spent together, loving you, carrying you, feeling you, celebrating you and envisioning the life you would have had. I will carry the insatiable longing to hold you until the day I die. You will always be my baby. You will always be missed. I will never stop loving and mothering you, my sweet Liam James ❤️
How did we do with the bow!? It’s growing on me How did we do with the bow!? It’s growing on me I think 🥰😍
April 3, 2021 • just us this Easter weekend 💗 April 3, 2021 • just us this Easter weekend 💗
I’m not quite sure how she turned 5 months in th I’m not quite sure how she turned 5 months in the blink of an eye 🥺 My Elora. We are doing great ❤️ we’re nursing and bedsharing and babywearing and contact napping and I’m literally soaking in every moment with her. Months 4 and 5 have been the best yet. My body knows what to do and I follow her cues. We’re super in tune and I feel like it’s making both of us happier humans.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
There is this unspoken narrative in our society that somehow attachment between mom and baby is a weakness, a crutch. I say f that, it’s one of the most beautiful strengths that exists in this universe. Period.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Mama if you’re reading this and need some validation or reassurance, I got you. It’s ok to cuddle and rock and nurse and sing your baby to sleep. Follow your instincts, tune out the noise, feel empowered in your motherly intuition and find your confidence in that. It is so incredibly liberating.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I know it’s a confusing landscape out there for new moms, I hear you, it’s easy to get overwhelmed and stress that you’re not doing something “right” or that your baby is “broken.” I’m not saying motherhood is easy for me, it’s the hardest (and best) thing I’ve ever done, but when women have the support they actually need and feel empowered in motherhood, that’s next-level world-changing stuff.⁣⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Mama knows best, never forget it ❤️
Pregnancy after loss (PAL). Wrapping up this month Pregnancy after loss (PAL). Wrapping up this month of #pregnancyafterloss awareness by answering my two most asked questions ——⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
How did I know I was ready to try again and how did I survive my PAL?⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Well friend, I have no definitive answer for you. I don’t know how I knew I was “ready,” I just knew I desperately wanted to be pregnant again, and I do not know how I survived.⁣⁣⠀
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Contrary to what I thought prior to having my own PAL experience, I was not “better” or “healed” or “over” my baby’s death once pregnant again. I think the only thing I could do was lean into the conflicting feelings and accept that they coexist for me (grief and joy, for example).⁣⁣⠀
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I want to share with you the two thoughts that did help ——⁣⁣⠀
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1. We were not replacing our baby (Liam), we were adding a sibling. Luca would be a big brother, as would Liam. My heart would expand for another child, not an “instead” child. Truly believing and accepting this was very helpful to me in my moments of guilt.⁣⁣⠀
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2. This was the most profound realization for me: That I would love this baby whether she lived or died. How did I know this? Because the grief I feel for Liam is love. I love my babies from the moment I know they exist. So during my PAL I thought, if this baby died too it wouldn’t change that love. I embraced and accepted that. I think it’s actually what allowed me to take these maternity pictures two weeks before she was born. It wasn’t hope, it was that I loved her and would want to remember our time together either way.⁣⁣⠀
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So maybe that is how I was able to survive. One day at a time, one thought at a time, facing the hard truths, embracing the pain of loss. Because, I’ll be honest, hope was hard for me.⁣⁣⠀
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Do I have magical advice? No. PAL was hard, it was a shitstorm of emotions and I feel like I just held on for dear life. Do whatever you have to do to survive, just know you are not crazy for the feelings. You are human 🤍

More resources can be found in my PAL highlights, reels and on my blog (link in bio) under ‘baby loss.’

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