I’m Not Strong, I’m Surviving Baby Loss

Instagram Post 12/4/19

People keep telling me I’m strong. I don’t feel strong. I appreciate those messages so much, and they are comforting, but I do not feel strong right now. I am simply surviving in a world without my baby.

I am having major dark moments every single day. Moments where I cry and scream and wallow in my own sadness. Moments when I feel like the sorrow will swallow me up. It’s so heavy. But what you see on my social media is a tiny fraction of my day and most importantly, what I choose to show you. I am real and transparent, don’t get me wrong, but it’s just the nature of the platform – you decide what you show and most people just show the highlight reel (which there is nothing wrong with). The other thing is in these deep, dark moments the last thing I’m thinking is to take a picture of or video myself.

So what you’re seeing looks like a strong woman being brave and speaking about her loss, which I guess that does take courage because it’s not the easiest thing to talk about. But I promise you I am not “strong” and I don’t want to be strong right now. Right now I have to leave space for the grief and the sorrow. I have to lean into the pain, I have to feel it all however horrible it is.

As far as speaking out goes, I know not everyone feels the same, but to me, I’m just being honest about my emotions and talking about my very real son. If I were still pregnant, I would be talking about and acknowledging and celebrating him. Even though we didn’t meet him and he was only in my belly for 18 weeks, it doesn’t make his existence any less real or our connection any less strong.

I’m Just Being Honest With Myself

Call me strong but again, I am simply surviving in a nightmare. And I’m just being honest and open and gentle with myself. I’m sharing my story not for pity but for all the other women out there who feel the same but might not feel like it’s “ok” to talk about. Our society has made this discussion taboo but I vow here and now to help change that narrative.

I have a highlight saved on my Instagram page called “LOSS” where I share some raw and vulnerable thoughts about where I’m at and how to help someone you know who might be in a similar position.

I urge you to watch if you or someone you know has experienced a baby loss.

A Message to You

If you’ve experienced baby loss: I am so deeply sorry. Your baby matters regardless of when you lost them and your feelings are valid. Know there is no right way to grieve and no “right” time to “feel better.” There is no handbook and no one talks about it which perpetuates the loneliness and alienation. But you are not alone. It doesn’t make it suck any less but I know how much this sucks, many women know how much this sucks and you don’t have to walk this road alone.

If this was your first pregnancy please know you are still a mother. You are your baby’s mother forever. You started mothering your baby the moment you knew of their existence. You carried them with love in your womb and that love will never leave you. You have more love in your heart than visible in your arms.

And if you’re wondering how to support someone you know who’s experiencing baby loss head to my Instagram page called “How to Help.” In short, some simple things you can do are acknowledge the loss/the struggle/the shittiness, validate their feelings and let them know you’re thinking of/praying for them. One simple sentence can make a huge difference.

I hope today’s chat helps shed some light, shift perspectives and maybe bring a little comfort to those who needed to hear it❤️