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Elora Leigh is 4 months old!⁣⁣⠀ ⁣⁣⠀ MY Elora Leigh is 4 months old!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
MY LORD. The joy and light this little girl brings our family🥺 If you would have told me last year that in one year’s time we would have had a baby and be living in a pandemic idk which one I would have believed less. Probably the baby. And yet here we are. Surviving through a pandemic with a toddler and a baby. AND A BABY.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
My pregnancy with Elora was one of the most mentally challenging things I’ve ever done. Pregnancy after loss is extremelyyyy difficult (for reasons I will go into on a future post). Pregnancy after loss during an unexpected pandemic.... intense to say the least.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I could not speak in absolutes about the future, as grateful and as hopeful as I was I could barely speak about being pregnant again. Yes, I allowed myself feel all the things but in a way I’m only just now starting to process everything I felt during her pregnancy (thank you therapy🙌). For much of it I was in denial that I would actually get to bring a living baby home. The trauma and ptsd from losing Liam was ever-present. I was next level terrified she too would die before I ever got to meet her. I was holding my breath and hanging on for dear life.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
So every single time I look at this girl I am still in disbelief that she’s here. She is here and she is healthy and she is thriving. The miracle that she is is not lost on me, the miracle that ANY baby is born healthy and alive is not lost on me. Every single day with my kids is a gift, as much as I lose my f*cking mindddd🤪 every day with my babies is a gift.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
These days we’ve learned to celebrate the simple things and the little things, and today that’s four beautiful and chaotic months with our sweet baby girl💕
Friday we took Luca to see dino bones and the t-re Friday we took Luca to see dino bones and the t-rex exhibit at the American Museum of Natural History and it was... rawrrrr-some 🦖 lolz. I’ll have you know I reached a new level of multitasking when I was chasing Luca and taking pics of him while nursing Elora in the carrier🤪 highly recommend learning that skill, gives a whole new meaning to hands-free 😆🙌
Luca is three🥳🦖 Andddd I feel like I have a Luca is three🥳🦖 Andddd I feel like I have a teenager😭😭 we had a mini dino bash for him, Alex even dressed up as a t-rex (swipe for the jig and to hear Luca’s new southern accent🤣). It was special, it was fun and it was a great, no-fuss day with our fam❤️
.
We’ve been through a lot in the last year but I wouldn’t say the twos were terrible, pandemic and all! I am so proud of this boy and who he is becoming. Highlights of Luca’s twos: trips to Utah, Nashville and Lake George, exploring the farm, riding tractors, helping mom with the garden, Montessori school and making friends, endless arts and crafts, weaning from nursing, potty training (not really training bc I swear I did nothing🤣), learning all about emotions, speaking in full sentences and the best part of 2020, welcoming his baby sister, Elora🥰 He has BLOWN us away with how he has adjusted to being a big brother, truly. He’s the freaking best. I’m so lucky to be his mama and it is an honor to watch him learn and grow. Keep rockin little dude, we love you times infinity!!!❤️
Elora Leigh is 3 months old today!!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
⋒ at 3 months:⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
⋒ you are smiling up a storm and finding your voice, especially when your brother tickles your sweet cheeks😭⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
⋒ speaking of your cheeks, they are UNREAL (swipe) and we’re all convinced you’re hiding something in there!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
⋒ you’re a chunker - opposite of your bro - weighing almost 16lbs and growing out of all your clothes by the day! ⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
keep growing baby girl, and keep shining your light, we love you bb Elora💗
Rollin with my homies😜 we had a blast trying ou Rollin with my homies😜 we had a blast trying out the @cadillac XT6 for the week, it’s the perfect midsize suv with room for the whole family - giving you a closer look over in stories! Thank you to Cadillac for gifting us this experience!!
Mental health check in, how’s everyone doing?? I Mental health check in, how’s everyone doing?? I shared how I’m doing in stories today, we made it through the holidays but it was a lot harder than I thought. I’m sruggling in a few ways. Struggling on social media with the comparison game, struggling in general as a stay at home mom of two, struggling with a fussy two month old that doesn’t sleep, struggling that I’m unable to do things for me right now (like even go to the bathroom or shower alone), struggling with the omnipresent grief and anxiety, struggling with guilt — guilt over not giving my oldest enough attention, over wanting him to start back at school again, over not being happy and grateful 24/7.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
If I learned anything last year it was to accept my feelings as they come and not label any as “bad,” so that’s what I’m working on, that’s my daily reminder. As my friend said to me today, this is hard, it’s the trenches!! Be gentle. It’s hard and wonderful all at once.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Check in below👇⁣⁣⠀
❤️ - I’m feeling great⁣⁣⠀
🧡 - I’m feeling ok⁣⁣⠀
💛 - I’m surviving⁣⁣⠀
💚 - I’m struggling⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Let’s show up and support each other and remind each other we’re not alone in these hard days🖤
Took this week to unplug and reflect. Wild year. M Took this week to unplug and reflect. Wild year. Mixed feelings about a new year is not foreign to me, this is how I felt last year going into 2020. 2019 was Liam’s year, it was the worst but it gave me a perspective I’ll never lose and one I carried into 2020.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Through hardship you grow.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
2020 saw more focus on me, on my mental wellness + on my family. Less worrying about what people think of me, less apologizing, more doing what makes me happy (or gets me through the day). More of that in this space also. I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea so might as well be me, ALL of me💯✌️⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I’m not a resolution or goal setter when it comes to a new year, I try to focus on reflecting, releasing what doesn’t serve me any longer + manifesting/using affirmations to bring the good. Still working on what those are exactly for 2021!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
In the meantime I wanted to share some of my big 2020 memories and wish you all love, light, peace and healing in the new year✨⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
1-2. Our new family unit🧡⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
3-4. The birth of our daughter, Elora, the best thing to come out of 2020. She is the brightest light.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
5. Luca’s love for his sister + once again navigating a “new normal” in our family.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
6. Pregnancy after loss. Amidst a global pandemic. While wrangling a toddler. One of the hardest things I’ve ever done, it was pure survival mode (+ still is postpartum).⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
7. Growing the most beautiful dahlias and diving more into gardening than ever before, mostly as a form of therapy, AND sharing it all with you guys — connecting through our gardens was one of my favorite parts of the year + growing this community has brought me so much joy!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
8. Finding my groove and launching my oils business — never thought I would make this extra income + be able to pay off debt😭⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
9. Luca turning 2 and weaning + potty training at the same time — his decisions, not mine!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
10. Liam’s due date in April. I remember wishing more than anything for the chance to deliver him healthy and full term, pandemic and all. We miss our boy + are moving forward WITH him, we’ll love him forever from afar❤️
Chaotic and beautiful and hard and exhausting and Chaotic and beautiful and hard and exhausting and awesome❤️ exactly how I want to remember this day. We’re sending you big love this Christmas, complete with our best “ewie smiles” (Luca’s term for silly faces🤣). I love how Doobie snuck his nose in there too!! Swipe for some special moments/things of the day❤️❤️
⋒ 8 weeks of Elora Leigh ⋒⁣⁣⠀ ⁣⁣⠀ ⋒ 8 weeks of Elora Leigh ⋒⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
You have been here in our arms for almost two whole months and my heart still skips a beat when I wake up and see you next to me. You are truly here. I still can’t believe you’re real and you’re ours.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
At 8 weeks you’re not such a tiny babe anymore, you’ve doubled your birth weight and grew four inches — a testament to how much you love to eat😅🍼 (pic four is day 3 for reference!). Your chubby cheeks are also a testament to your love of milk😍😍 The super sleepy newborn days are over😭 You’re waking up more and more, crying more too (see pic three🤪), but still giving us good stretches of sleep (4-5 hours) at night. You don’t love cuddling with me as much as your brother did, I’m still in denial over that! And you’ve broken out of the swaddle, sleep sackin it up already! Luca loves you more than anything and is always wanting to hold you and help me clean your “spiggups,” he calls you “mista baby” and it killssss your dad and I every time🤣⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I feel like you just arrived but also like I’ve known you forever. Happy 8 weeks of life Elora, you are so loved💗⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
#8weeks #eloraleigh #watcheloragrow
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Christine Covino

- The Blog -

We Lost Our Baby

November 15, 2019 / Baby Loss, Mom & Baby

We lost our baby and it has been so hard. Today I am sharing with you that we lost our baby and how I feel. Come learn about our journey. We Lost Our Baby

Words that no parent should have to say. As many of you know if you follow along on Instagram we told the world last night that we lost our baby boy at 18 weeks pregnant. The story of Liam James is long and complicated and I will eventually talk about the entire journey but for now, I leave you with our tribute from last night so it can live here on the blog forever. As hard as it is to talk about we feel better bringing up all the feelings and saying Liam’s name out loud. We would like to remember our son, he was real, he changed our lives forever and we are deeply grieving his loss.

Instagram Post 11/14/19

We lost our little babe. Our extra tiny, strong-willed warrior. Baby boy no. 2, so wanted and so loved. 18 weeks in my belly, forever in our hearts❤️
.
I am literally numb, I’ve been dreading writing these words. I’ve been avoiding social media, it’s taking all I have to post this photo and write this – the most vulnerable post I’ve ever written.
.
But as excruciating as it feels I want to remember every moment and every detail of his last day. The tears we shed, the way Alex held me and spoke to our boy, the last song I sang to him, “Three Little Birds,” never letting go of my belly, reassuring him everything would be ok, telling him how much mommy and daddy love him. How we prayed with the nurses and doctors over his life and passing.
.
How Luca kissed my belly that morning and said “bye, baby”😢💔
.
We were able to say our goodbyes for now, we marveled at his teeny footprints👣 and gave him a name.
.
💙Liam James Covino💙
.
He will always be our son and always be a part of our family. We love him like we love Luca. I know in my heart that one day I will meet my (now) two angel babies in Heaven and get to be their mama👼👼
.
Many of you have been here too, experiencing loss, this nightmare and this unbearable grief. It SUCKS. I understand. I’ve never felt so much anguish, sorrow, compassion or grief in my life.
.
But there is also love. A TON of love❤️ I have never felt wrapped in so much love, support and understanding. Our family and friends, every doctor, nurse, counselor and even strangers – they have shown so much warmth and compassion through this entire journey. And the love we feel for our boy, now and forever, is like no love I’ve ever felt.
.
I want you guys to know we’ve appreciated your support, prayers and positivity over the last 6 weeks so so much. We are devastated by this loss but we are doing ok. We are healing, slowly, and most importantly we are at peace knowing Liam is truly in a better place.
.
Thank you for your unwavering love and support during this difficult time❤️

PS, the name Liam comes from Irish origin and means “strong-willed warrior” and “protector.” Our boy was 100% those things. Tiny but mighty and forever our angel watching over us.

Click here to read more posts about baby loss

We lost our baby and it has been so hard. Today I am sharing with you that we lost our baby and how I feel. Come learn about our journey.

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  1. THE IMPORTANCE OF SELF-CARE AND HOW I'M MAKING MENTAL HEALTH A PRIORITY IN 2020 - Christine Covino says:
    January 30, 2020 at 7:49 pm

    […] year and it’s taken me a little extra time to set my goals because of the passing of our sweet baby Liam late last Fall. I’ve been taking things more slowly, taking a step back in my professional […]

    Reply
  2. New Mom Holiday Gift Guide - Christine Covino says:
    November 26, 2020 at 1:29 am

    […] that, swapping over to a toxin free home and organic gardening/pest control. But for real, during the most difficult year for our family these oils helped bring me back to life and I truly think anyone, especially the new […]

    Reply
  3. One Month Postpartum Update - Christine Covino says:
    December 2, 2020 at 6:16 pm

    […] ok, better than ok, mentally. Yes, I did a ton of work on myself during this past year since losing Liam, I played an active role in seeking help (therapy/psychiatry) and I had an amazing support system […]

    Reply
  4. Things No One Tells You About Postpartum - Christine Covino says:
    December 8, 2020 at 9:01 pm

    […] Postpartum is no different, especially for me this time around my pregnancy was a pregnancy after a great loss. That in itself comes with heavy, heavy feelings and my only advice is to let yourself feel them […]

    Reply

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Elora Leigh is 4 months old!⁣⁣⠀ ⁣⁣⠀ MY Elora Leigh is 4 months old!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
MY LORD. The joy and light this little girl brings our family🥺 If you would have told me last year that in one year’s time we would have had a baby and be living in a pandemic idk which one I would have believed less. Probably the baby. And yet here we are. Surviving through a pandemic with a toddler and a baby. AND A BABY.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
My pregnancy with Elora was one of the most mentally challenging things I’ve ever done. Pregnancy after loss is extremelyyyy difficult (for reasons I will go into on a future post). Pregnancy after loss during an unexpected pandemic.... intense to say the least.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I could not speak in absolutes about the future, as grateful and as hopeful as I was I could barely speak about being pregnant again. Yes, I allowed myself feel all the things but in a way I’m only just now starting to process everything I felt during her pregnancy (thank you therapy🙌). For much of it I was in denial that I would actually get to bring a living baby home. The trauma and ptsd from losing Liam was ever-present. I was next level terrified she too would die before I ever got to meet her. I was holding my breath and hanging on for dear life.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
So every single time I look at this girl I am still in disbelief that she’s here. She is here and she is healthy and she is thriving. The miracle that she is is not lost on me, the miracle that ANY baby is born healthy and alive is not lost on me. Every single day with my kids is a gift, as much as I lose my f*cking mindddd🤪 every day with my babies is a gift.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
These days we’ve learned to celebrate the simple things and the little things, and today that’s four beautiful and chaotic months with our sweet baby girl💕
Friday we took Luca to see dino bones and the t-re Friday we took Luca to see dino bones and the t-rex exhibit at the American Museum of Natural History and it was... rawrrrr-some 🦖 lolz. I’ll have you know I reached a new level of multitasking when I was chasing Luca and taking pics of him while nursing Elora in the carrier🤪 highly recommend learning that skill, gives a whole new meaning to hands-free 😆🙌
Luca is three🥳🦖 Andddd I feel like I have a Luca is three🥳🦖 Andddd I feel like I have a teenager😭😭 we had a mini dino bash for him, Alex even dressed up as a t-rex (swipe for the jig and to hear Luca’s new southern accent🤣). It was special, it was fun and it was a great, no-fuss day with our fam❤️
.
We’ve been through a lot in the last year but I wouldn’t say the twos were terrible, pandemic and all! I am so proud of this boy and who he is becoming. Highlights of Luca’s twos: trips to Utah, Nashville and Lake George, exploring the farm, riding tractors, helping mom with the garden, Montessori school and making friends, endless arts and crafts, weaning from nursing, potty training (not really training bc I swear I did nothing🤣), learning all about emotions, speaking in full sentences and the best part of 2020, welcoming his baby sister, Elora🥰 He has BLOWN us away with how he has adjusted to being a big brother, truly. He’s the freaking best. I’m so lucky to be his mama and it is an honor to watch him learn and grow. Keep rockin little dude, we love you times infinity!!!❤️
Elora Leigh is 3 months old today!!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
⋒ at 3 months:⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
⋒ you are smiling up a storm and finding your voice, especially when your brother tickles your sweet cheeks😭⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
⋒ speaking of your cheeks, they are UNREAL (swipe) and we’re all convinced you’re hiding something in there!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
⋒ you’re a chunker - opposite of your bro - weighing almost 16lbs and growing out of all your clothes by the day! ⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
keep growing baby girl, and keep shining your light, we love you bb Elora💗
Rollin with my homies😜 we had a blast trying ou Rollin with my homies😜 we had a blast trying out the @cadillac XT6 for the week, it’s the perfect midsize suv with room for the whole family - giving you a closer look over in stories! Thank you to Cadillac for gifting us this experience!!
Mental health check in, how’s everyone doing?? I Mental health check in, how’s everyone doing?? I shared how I’m doing in stories today, we made it through the holidays but it was a lot harder than I thought. I’m sruggling in a few ways. Struggling on social media with the comparison game, struggling in general as a stay at home mom of two, struggling with a fussy two month old that doesn’t sleep, struggling that I’m unable to do things for me right now (like even go to the bathroom or shower alone), struggling with the omnipresent grief and anxiety, struggling with guilt — guilt over not giving my oldest enough attention, over wanting him to start back at school again, over not being happy and grateful 24/7.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
If I learned anything last year it was to accept my feelings as they come and not label any as “bad,” so that’s what I’m working on, that’s my daily reminder. As my friend said to me today, this is hard, it’s the trenches!! Be gentle. It’s hard and wonderful all at once.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Check in below👇⁣⁣⠀
❤️ - I’m feeling great⁣⁣⠀
🧡 - I’m feeling ok⁣⁣⠀
💛 - I’m surviving⁣⁣⠀
💚 - I’m struggling⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Let’s show up and support each other and remind each other we’re not alone in these hard days🖤

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