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Elora Leigh is 4 months old!⁣⁣⠀ ⁣⁣⠀ MY Elora Leigh is 4 months old!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
MY LORD. The joy and light this little girl brings our family🥺 If you would have told me last year that in one year’s time we would have had a baby and be living in a pandemic idk which one I would have believed less. Probably the baby. And yet here we are. Surviving through a pandemic with a toddler and a baby. AND A BABY.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
My pregnancy with Elora was one of the most mentally challenging things I’ve ever done. Pregnancy after loss is extremelyyyy difficult (for reasons I will go into on a future post). Pregnancy after loss during an unexpected pandemic.... intense to say the least.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I could not speak in absolutes about the future, as grateful and as hopeful as I was I could barely speak about being pregnant again. Yes, I allowed myself feel all the things but in a way I’m only just now starting to process everything I felt during her pregnancy (thank you therapy🙌). For much of it I was in denial that I would actually get to bring a living baby home. The trauma and ptsd from losing Liam was ever-present. I was next level terrified she too would die before I ever got to meet her. I was holding my breath and hanging on for dear life.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
So every single time I look at this girl I am still in disbelief that she’s here. She is here and she is healthy and she is thriving. The miracle that she is is not lost on me, the miracle that ANY baby is born healthy and alive is not lost on me. Every single day with my kids is a gift, as much as I lose my f*cking mindddd🤪 every day with my babies is a gift.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
These days we’ve learned to celebrate the simple things and the little things, and today that’s four beautiful and chaotic months with our sweet baby girl💕
Friday we took Luca to see dino bones and the t-re Friday we took Luca to see dino bones and the t-rex exhibit at the American Museum of Natural History and it was... rawrrrr-some 🦖 lolz. I’ll have you know I reached a new level of multitasking when I was chasing Luca and taking pics of him while nursing Elora in the carrier🤪 highly recommend learning that skill, gives a whole new meaning to hands-free 😆🙌
Luca is three🥳🦖 Andddd I feel like I have a Luca is three🥳🦖 Andddd I feel like I have a teenager😭😭 we had a mini dino bash for him, Alex even dressed up as a t-rex (swipe for the jig and to hear Luca’s new southern accent🤣). It was special, it was fun and it was a great, no-fuss day with our fam❤️
.
We’ve been through a lot in the last year but I wouldn’t say the twos were terrible, pandemic and all! I am so proud of this boy and who he is becoming. Highlights of Luca’s twos: trips to Utah, Nashville and Lake George, exploring the farm, riding tractors, helping mom with the garden, Montessori school and making friends, endless arts and crafts, weaning from nursing, potty training (not really training bc I swear I did nothing🤣), learning all about emotions, speaking in full sentences and the best part of 2020, welcoming his baby sister, Elora🥰 He has BLOWN us away with how he has adjusted to being a big brother, truly. He’s the freaking best. I’m so lucky to be his mama and it is an honor to watch him learn and grow. Keep rockin little dude, we love you times infinity!!!❤️
Elora Leigh is 3 months old today!!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
⋒ at 3 months:⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
⋒ you are smiling up a storm and finding your voice, especially when your brother tickles your sweet cheeks😭⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
⋒ speaking of your cheeks, they are UNREAL (swipe) and we’re all convinced you’re hiding something in there!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
⋒ you’re a chunker - opposite of your bro - weighing almost 16lbs and growing out of all your clothes by the day! ⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
keep growing baby girl, and keep shining your light, we love you bb Elora💗
Rollin with my homies😜 we had a blast trying ou Rollin with my homies😜 we had a blast trying out the @cadillac XT6 for the week, it’s the perfect midsize suv with room for the whole family - giving you a closer look over in stories! Thank you to Cadillac for gifting us this experience!!
Mental health check in, how’s everyone doing?? I Mental health check in, how’s everyone doing?? I shared how I’m doing in stories today, we made it through the holidays but it was a lot harder than I thought. I’m sruggling in a few ways. Struggling on social media with the comparison game, struggling in general as a stay at home mom of two, struggling with a fussy two month old that doesn’t sleep, struggling that I’m unable to do things for me right now (like even go to the bathroom or shower alone), struggling with the omnipresent grief and anxiety, struggling with guilt — guilt over not giving my oldest enough attention, over wanting him to start back at school again, over not being happy and grateful 24/7.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
If I learned anything last year it was to accept my feelings as they come and not label any as “bad,” so that’s what I’m working on, that’s my daily reminder. As my friend said to me today, this is hard, it’s the trenches!! Be gentle. It’s hard and wonderful all at once.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Check in below👇⁣⁣⠀
❤️ - I’m feeling great⁣⁣⠀
🧡 - I’m feeling ok⁣⁣⠀
💛 - I’m surviving⁣⁣⠀
💚 - I’m struggling⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Let’s show up and support each other and remind each other we’re not alone in these hard days🖤
Took this week to unplug and reflect. Wild year. M Took this week to unplug and reflect. Wild year. Mixed feelings about a new year is not foreign to me, this is how I felt last year going into 2020. 2019 was Liam’s year, it was the worst but it gave me a perspective I’ll never lose and one I carried into 2020.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Through hardship you grow.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
2020 saw more focus on me, on my mental wellness + on my family. Less worrying about what people think of me, less apologizing, more doing what makes me happy (or gets me through the day). More of that in this space also. I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea so might as well be me, ALL of me💯✌️⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I’m not a resolution or goal setter when it comes to a new year, I try to focus on reflecting, releasing what doesn’t serve me any longer + manifesting/using affirmations to bring the good. Still working on what those are exactly for 2021!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
In the meantime I wanted to share some of my big 2020 memories and wish you all love, light, peace and healing in the new year✨⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
1-2. Our new family unit🧡⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
3-4. The birth of our daughter, Elora, the best thing to come out of 2020. She is the brightest light.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
5. Luca’s love for his sister + once again navigating a “new normal” in our family.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
6. Pregnancy after loss. Amidst a global pandemic. While wrangling a toddler. One of the hardest things I’ve ever done, it was pure survival mode (+ still is postpartum).⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
7. Growing the most beautiful dahlias and diving more into gardening than ever before, mostly as a form of therapy, AND sharing it all with you guys — connecting through our gardens was one of my favorite parts of the year + growing this community has brought me so much joy!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
8. Finding my groove and launching my oils business — never thought I would make this extra income + be able to pay off debt😭⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
9. Luca turning 2 and weaning + potty training at the same time — his decisions, not mine!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
10. Liam’s due date in April. I remember wishing more than anything for the chance to deliver him healthy and full term, pandemic and all. We miss our boy + are moving forward WITH him, we’ll love him forever from afar❤️
Chaotic and beautiful and hard and exhausting and Chaotic and beautiful and hard and exhausting and awesome❤️ exactly how I want to remember this day. We’re sending you big love this Christmas, complete with our best “ewie smiles” (Luca’s term for silly faces🤣). I love how Doobie snuck his nose in there too!! Swipe for some special moments/things of the day❤️❤️
⋒ 8 weeks of Elora Leigh ⋒⁣⁣⠀ ⁣⁣⠀ ⋒ 8 weeks of Elora Leigh ⋒⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
You have been here in our arms for almost two whole months and my heart still skips a beat when I wake up and see you next to me. You are truly here. I still can’t believe you’re real and you’re ours.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
At 8 weeks you’re not such a tiny babe anymore, you’ve doubled your birth weight and grew four inches — a testament to how much you love to eat😅🍼 (pic four is day 3 for reference!). Your chubby cheeks are also a testament to your love of milk😍😍 The super sleepy newborn days are over😭 You’re waking up more and more, crying more too (see pic three🤪), but still giving us good stretches of sleep (4-5 hours) at night. You don’t love cuddling with me as much as your brother did, I’m still in denial over that! And you’ve broken out of the swaddle, sleep sackin it up already! Luca loves you more than anything and is always wanting to hold you and help me clean your “spiggups,” he calls you “mista baby” and it killssss your dad and I every time🤣⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I feel like you just arrived but also like I’ve known you forever. Happy 8 weeks of life Elora, you are so loved💗⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
#8weeks #eloraleigh #watcheloragrow
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Christine Covino

- The Blog -

Sorrow and Joy

November 17, 2019 / Baby Loss

Some people think it is imporriable to feel sorrow and joy at the same time. I know that it is possible to feel these emtions though hard at the same time.

Sorrow & Joy

Instagram Post 11/17/19

Last week among all the raw heartache and pain I felt like I would never smile again, never feel happiness again, never see beauty in anything again. How could I after losing my baby? I felt paralyzed and helpless. But there was a constant glimmer of hope, my Luca always by my side. His silliness and innocence making me smile even in my darkest moments. This little boy needs his mama but I learned that I might actually need him more.

What I mean to say is that it is somehow possible to feel sorrow and joy at the same time; that pain and beauty, suffering and gratitude can all be experienced simultaneously. We are grieving for Liam but Luca is showing us the light. He has quite literally been our saving grace, making us smile and laugh daily through our tears.

If there’s any silver lining it’s that losing Liam has brought Alex, Luca and me closer together. And shown us more grace, love and gratitude than I’ve ever known. My entire perspective (on everything) has shifted but mainly how I look at Luca and at my husband. I’ve never meant it more than I do right now when I say they are my world.

Luca has been his regular rambunctious, silly toddler self but I look at him so differently now after losing Liam. He is perfect and pure and innocent and it is an absolute miracle that he is here. That we are all here. Every birth, every healthy child is truly a blessing and a miracle. Just feeling utter gratitude for the big and the small things – a sunny day, coffee in the morning, a roof over our heads, food on our table, this life we’ve built, the child we have here with us.

They all exist at the same time. Sorrow and joy. Pain and beauty. Suffering and gratitude. There is still joy to be had, beauty to see and gratitude to feel all throughout this grief. So much gratitude🙏

I never want a day to go by where I don’t think about Liam, he’s changed our lives so immensely already and I don’t even think this is the half of it. I miss him so much, I really miss his little kicks, the pain is still so raw, but I am so, SO grateful he chose me to carry him even if it was only for a few months. Liam James, our true angel baby, forever grateful💙

Click here to read more posts about baby loss

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Comments

  1. Ruth Josey says

    December 11, 2019 at 6:34 pm

    This is the hardest thing to come to terms with. My daughter gave birth at 8 months to a stillborn little boy. A few years later she had a beautiful little girl who died of SIDS at the age of 5 months. I know the struggles she (and all of us) went through with both of those losses and it never leaves you. It does get easier to get back to normal as time passes, though, and that beautiful little Luca is the best reason ever for hope.

    Ruth

    Reply
    • Christine Covino says

      March 1, 2020 at 3:54 pm

      Oh Ruth, I am so so sorry for your family’s losses. It is so unfair and does not make sense, parents should never have to go through the pain of losing a child. Thank you so much for reading and for your kindness <3

      Reply

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Elora Leigh is 4 months old!⁣⁣⠀ ⁣⁣⠀ MY Elora Leigh is 4 months old!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
MY LORD. The joy and light this little girl brings our family🥺 If you would have told me last year that in one year’s time we would have had a baby and be living in a pandemic idk which one I would have believed less. Probably the baby. And yet here we are. Surviving through a pandemic with a toddler and a baby. AND A BABY.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
My pregnancy with Elora was one of the most mentally challenging things I’ve ever done. Pregnancy after loss is extremelyyyy difficult (for reasons I will go into on a future post). Pregnancy after loss during an unexpected pandemic.... intense to say the least.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I could not speak in absolutes about the future, as grateful and as hopeful as I was I could barely speak about being pregnant again. Yes, I allowed myself feel all the things but in a way I’m only just now starting to process everything I felt during her pregnancy (thank you therapy🙌). For much of it I was in denial that I would actually get to bring a living baby home. The trauma and ptsd from losing Liam was ever-present. I was next level terrified she too would die before I ever got to meet her. I was holding my breath and hanging on for dear life.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
So every single time I look at this girl I am still in disbelief that she’s here. She is here and she is healthy and she is thriving. The miracle that she is is not lost on me, the miracle that ANY baby is born healthy and alive is not lost on me. Every single day with my kids is a gift, as much as I lose my f*cking mindddd🤪 every day with my babies is a gift.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
These days we’ve learned to celebrate the simple things and the little things, and today that’s four beautiful and chaotic months with our sweet baby girl💕
Friday we took Luca to see dino bones and the t-re Friday we took Luca to see dino bones and the t-rex exhibit at the American Museum of Natural History and it was... rawrrrr-some 🦖 lolz. I’ll have you know I reached a new level of multitasking when I was chasing Luca and taking pics of him while nursing Elora in the carrier🤪 highly recommend learning that skill, gives a whole new meaning to hands-free 😆🙌
Luca is three🥳🦖 Andddd I feel like I have a Luca is three🥳🦖 Andddd I feel like I have a teenager😭😭 we had a mini dino bash for him, Alex even dressed up as a t-rex (swipe for the jig and to hear Luca’s new southern accent🤣). It was special, it was fun and it was a great, no-fuss day with our fam❤️
.
We’ve been through a lot in the last year but I wouldn’t say the twos were terrible, pandemic and all! I am so proud of this boy and who he is becoming. Highlights of Luca’s twos: trips to Utah, Nashville and Lake George, exploring the farm, riding tractors, helping mom with the garden, Montessori school and making friends, endless arts and crafts, weaning from nursing, potty training (not really training bc I swear I did nothing🤣), learning all about emotions, speaking in full sentences and the best part of 2020, welcoming his baby sister, Elora🥰 He has BLOWN us away with how he has adjusted to being a big brother, truly. He’s the freaking best. I’m so lucky to be his mama and it is an honor to watch him learn and grow. Keep rockin little dude, we love you times infinity!!!❤️
Elora Leigh is 3 months old today!!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
⋒ at 3 months:⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
⋒ you are smiling up a storm and finding your voice, especially when your brother tickles your sweet cheeks😭⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
⋒ speaking of your cheeks, they are UNREAL (swipe) and we’re all convinced you’re hiding something in there!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
⋒ you’re a chunker - opposite of your bro - weighing almost 16lbs and growing out of all your clothes by the day! ⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
keep growing baby girl, and keep shining your light, we love you bb Elora💗
Rollin with my homies😜 we had a blast trying ou Rollin with my homies😜 we had a blast trying out the @cadillac XT6 for the week, it’s the perfect midsize suv with room for the whole family - giving you a closer look over in stories! Thank you to Cadillac for gifting us this experience!!
Mental health check in, how’s everyone doing?? I Mental health check in, how’s everyone doing?? I shared how I’m doing in stories today, we made it through the holidays but it was a lot harder than I thought. I’m sruggling in a few ways. Struggling on social media with the comparison game, struggling in general as a stay at home mom of two, struggling with a fussy two month old that doesn’t sleep, struggling that I’m unable to do things for me right now (like even go to the bathroom or shower alone), struggling with the omnipresent grief and anxiety, struggling with guilt — guilt over not giving my oldest enough attention, over wanting him to start back at school again, over not being happy and grateful 24/7.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
If I learned anything last year it was to accept my feelings as they come and not label any as “bad,” so that’s what I’m working on, that’s my daily reminder. As my friend said to me today, this is hard, it’s the trenches!! Be gentle. It’s hard and wonderful all at once.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Check in below👇⁣⁣⠀
❤️ - I’m feeling great⁣⁣⠀
🧡 - I’m feeling ok⁣⁣⠀
💛 - I’m surviving⁣⁣⠀
💚 - I’m struggling⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Let’s show up and support each other and remind each other we’re not alone in these hard days🖤

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