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Mental health check in, how’s everyone doing?? I Mental health check in, how’s everyone doing?? I shared how I’m doing in stories today, we made it through the holidays but it was a lot harder than I thought. I’m sruggling in a few ways. Struggling on social media with the comparison game, struggling in general as a stay at home mom of two, struggling with a fussy two month old that doesn’t sleep, struggling that I’m unable to do things for me right now (like even go to the bathroom or shower alone), struggling with the omnipresent grief and anxiety, struggling with guilt — guilt over not giving my oldest enough attention, over wanting him to start back at school again, over not being happy and grateful 24/7.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
If I learned anything last year it was to accept my feelings as they come and not label any as “bad,” so that’s what I’m working on, that’s my daily reminder. As my friend said to me today, this is hard, it’s the trenches!! Be gentle. It’s hard and wonderful all at once.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Check in below👇⁣⁣⠀
❤️ - I’m feeling great⁣⁣⠀
🧡 - I’m feeling ok⁣⁣⠀
💛 - I’m surviving⁣⁣⠀
💚 - I’m struggling⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Let’s show up and support each other and remind each other we’re not alone in these hard days🖤
Took this week to unplug and reflect. Wild year. M Took this week to unplug and reflect. Wild year. Mixed feelings about a new year is not foreign to me, this is how I felt last year going into 2020. 2019 was Liam’s year, it was the worst but it gave me a perspective I’ll never lose and one I carried into 2020.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Through hardship you grow.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
2020 saw more focus on me, on my mental wellness + on my family. Less worrying about what people think of me, less apologizing, more doing what makes me happy (or gets me through the day). More of that in this space also. I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea so might as well be me, ALL of me💯✌️⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I’m not a resolution or goal setter when it comes to a new year, I try to focus on reflecting, releasing what doesn’t serve me any longer + manifesting/using affirmations to bring the good. Still working on what those are exactly for 2021!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
In the meantime I wanted to share some of my big 2020 memories and wish you all love, light, peace and healing in the new year✨⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
1-2. Our new family unit🧡⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
3-4. The birth of our daughter, Elora, the best thing to come out of 2020. She is the brightest light.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
5. Luca’s love for his sister + once again navigating a “new normal” in our family.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
6. Pregnancy after loss. Amidst a global pandemic. While wrangling a toddler. One of the hardest things I’ve ever done, it was pure survival mode (+ still is postpartum).⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
7. Growing the most beautiful dahlias and diving more into gardening than ever before, mostly as a form of therapy, AND sharing it all with you guys — connecting through our gardens was one of my favorite parts of the year + growing this community has brought me so much joy!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
8. Finding my groove and launching my oils business — never thought I would make more than my blogging income + be able to pay off debt😭⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
9. Luca turning 2 and weaning + potty training at the same time — his decisions, not mine!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
10. Liam’s due date in April. I remember wishing more than anything for the chance to deliver him healthy and full term, pandemic and all. We miss our boy + are moving forward WITH him, we’ll love him forever from afar❤️
Chaotic and beautiful and hard and exhausting and Chaotic and beautiful and hard and exhausting and awesome❤️ exactly how I want to remember this day. We’re sending you big love this Christmas, complete with our best “ewie smiles” (Luca’s term for silly faces🤣). I love how Doobie snuck his nose in there too!! Swipe for some special moments/things of the day❤️❤️
⋒ 8 weeks of Elora Leigh ⋒⁣⁣⠀ ⁣⁣⠀ ⋒ 8 weeks of Elora Leigh ⋒⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
You have been here in our arms for almost two whole months and my heart still skips a beat when I wake up and see you next to me. You are truly here. I still can’t believe you’re real and you’re ours.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
At 8 weeks you’re not such a tiny babe anymore, you’ve doubled your birth weight and grew four inches — a testament to how much you love to eat😅🍼 (pic four is day 3 for reference!). Your chubby cheeks are also a testament to your love of milk😍😍 The super sleepy newborn days are over😭 You’re waking up more and more, crying more too (see pic three🤪), but still giving us good stretches of sleep (4-5 hours) at night. You don’t love cuddling with me as much as your brother did, I’m still in denial over that! And you’ve broken out of the swaddle, sleep sackin it up already! Luca loves you more than anything and is always wanting to hold you and help me clean your “spiggups,” he calls you “mista baby” and it killssss your dad and I every time🤣⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I feel like you just arrived but also like I’ve known you forever. Happy 8 weeks of life Elora, you are so loved💗⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
#8weeks #eloraleigh #watcheloragrow
Unpopular or popular opinion? Gratitude is hard wh Unpopular or popular opinion? Gratitude is hard when you’re struggling.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Gratitude, when forced, feels like shame. As the wise @sitwithwhit said the other day, it’s  the new toxic positivity — if we’re going to feel sad, then we better be grateful too.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
The pressure on the bereaved to feel and express gratitude in their grief is REAL.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
So here is my reminder — It’s ok to *not* balance out your pain with gratitude. ⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
To me, when gratitude is forced I feel inauthentic and ashamed. When everyone is talking about gratitude journals and how to “focus on the good,” I feel left out.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Let’s normalize expressing pain and grief without following it up with “BUT... gratitude.” It’s like saying that makes our pain seem more bearable from the outside. I get it. Grief is uncomfortable. Pain is ugly. It’s easier to look away. It’s easier to engage if the griever ends their thought on a positive, that’s the pressure. But what if I don’t feel positives in my pain?⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
If gratitude helps you to process your grief, that is really great. Everyone grieves differently. I spoke about this in stories today and 100s of you wrote in saying you felt heard. I’m happy it resonated, I’m always nervous to express these opinions but there are ALWAYS people out there who relate and need to hear it. You are my people❤️⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
So here are your reminders if you’re grieving or struggling this holiday season, or just reflecting on a hard year:⁣⁣⠀
❤️Be gentle with yourself, your feelings are valid.⁣⁣⠀
❤️You don’t owe anything to anyone, especially in your grief.⁣⁣⠀
❤️It’s ok to feel shitty, period. No ifs, ands, buts or justifications necessary.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Love you guys🤟🤟🤟⁣⁣⠀
📷: @mymotherhoodstory
This photo shoot took years off my life😅🤪 Do This photo shoot took years off my life😅🤪 Don’t let the cute faces fool you, it’s HARD to get a toddler to stay still and a newborn to not cry🤣 But we snapped a couple gems, these two quite literally light up my life💖 http://liketk.it/34ldF
Just love this little Christmas corner with all of Just love this little Christmas corner with all of our stockings🌲🥰 Anyone else getting snow tonight!? I’m excited! I love the snow and I love seeing the magic in Luca’s eyes, he just lights up over the littlest things and it makes this season so much brighter for us✨
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I linked everything I could in the @liketoknow.it app or head to the link in my bio for my blog and holiday home decor post with all my winter home inspo❄️ http://liketk.it/345gU
Third postpartum, second c-section, a little more Third postpartum, second c-section, a little more prepared for recovery this time and it’s going a lot smoother. I shared some of my postpartum favorites/must haves in stories today as well as on the blog (link in my bio)! ⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Also shared some tips I wish I knew the first time around like to not feel ashamed to ask for help or guilty for taking care of myself. That’s my biggest tip —⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Take care of yourself.⁣⁣⠀
Take care of yourself.⁣⁣⠀
Take care of yourself.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I can’t stress this enough. It’s the norm in our society to focus more on the baby than the mom but during the fourth trimester she needs care and attention now more than ever. You can’t take care of your baby without taking care of yourself first❤️⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Some other postpartum tips:⁣⁣⠀
🌿take all the pictures and take pictures with you in them, they will be absolute treasures to look back on, especially the ones where you look like crap (I promise you don’t actually look like crap, it’s real life though, which are the best to look back on)⁣⁣⠀
🌿you may not know what you’re doing but listen to your instincts, the mama instinct is strong and it’s REAL⁣⁣⠀
🌿take home all the things from the hospital (pads, disposable undies, abdominal binder, all of it)🙌⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
If you are postpartum after loss you’re still postpartum but it’s even harder without your baby. Cabbage leaves, peppermint essential oil and a tight sports bra to help get rid of your milk supply. Find a grief counselor and a support group, validation and acknowledgement is everything. I’ve been there and it’s the literal worst, be gentle with yourself. You are still a mother❤️
📷 @jessicamicciophoto
How I’ve eaten dinner for the past 6 weeks😂 I How I’ve eaten dinner for the past 6 weeks😂 I basically live in this spot from the hours of 5pm to 10pm, either nursing or calming the babe — toddler not pictured but equally as demanding🤪 — cluster feeding is hardddd!! I know it doesn’t last forever. I know I will miss these days. It’s still hard. And nope, don’t need to supplement, milk supply is killin it. More encouragement, less unsolicited advice. Sometimes we just want to voice the struggles without being told what to do✌️
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Christine Covino

- The Blog -

A Letter to Me Before You

March 21, 2019 / Mom & Baby

This past year has been a whirlwind. Luca just turned one last month and I find myself thinking every day, “Where has the time gone!?” I have learned so much this past year (and I still have SO MUCH to learn) and thought it would be fun to write my “pre-mama” self a letter. And who knows, maybe it will also be helpful to you!

A Letter to Me before You

Dear “Pre-Mama” Christine,

It’s 2019 and I am one year into motherhood. I have some things I’d like to share to help ease your transition and validate your feelings. This is going to be the hardest thing you ever do. I know everyone always says that but no one can really prepare you for what’s about to come. There are multiple, complex levels and layers to motherhood and it is definitely not a one-size-fits-all. You really will experience your own, unique version of it.

Let’s start at the beginning. Trying to conceive can be a very “trying” process. On you, on your partner, on your relationships, on your friendships. You will go to very dark places at times and seeing pregnancy and birth announcements will make it that much worse. Just know your time will come, and yes that’s easy for me to say now, but I truly believe in destiny. Without going through your  TTC journey you would not have Luca. And he is worth every negative pregnancy test, every period that came and destroyed your morale and every moment you felt like giving up.

“It will take you eight months to conceive. You will lose that baby..”

It will take you eight months to conceive. You will lose that baby and it will be one of the hardest things you will ever experience in your life. After all that time of trying, you will breathe a sigh of relief. You will revel in the excitement of FINALLY being pregnant, telling your friends and family, only to have to call them a week later to tell them there is no more baby. It will crush you. You will feel utterly hopeless. You will ask, “What is wrong with me?” There is nothing wrong with you. Let yourself grieve and feel the feelings. Mourn for this life and keep on going. All hope is not lost! Luckily you have a strong support system of family and friends and they will help you get through this, LEAN ON THEM. And keep going.

When you get pregnant for the second time you won’t feel the excitement. You will feel fear. You won’t let yourself become attached or even think about holding this baby in your arms one day. You know all too well that dream could be ripped from you in a heartbeat and you can’t bear the pain again. It’s ok. You will be terrified to go to the bathroom in fear of seeing blood just like the last time. It’s ok. Just take it day by day. Pregnancy after miscarriage is very different than pregnancy without that experience. Only women who have been through it before will understand so again I urge you to lean on them!

“You WILL start to love your new body.”

You will feel gratitude and joy but you will still not let yourself be excited. The first two trimesters are going to be rough: self-doubt, exhaustion, morning sickness (which is ALL DAY sickness in reality), fear. But you will get through it and you will start to love your new body. The body that is growing life, a miracle right before your eyes. You’ve never felt more beautiful in your entire life and you will finally allow yourself to envision being a mother.

Birth is a natural process for women, your body was made to do this. That will be your mantra going into your labor and the birth of your baby. Those words and that general feeling will get you through a harrowing 36-hour labor and emergency c-section. Just because your baby was born via your belly does not make you any less of a mother. I WILL REPEAT. The way in which your baby enters this world does not determine your worth as a woman or mother!

“No, this is not what you thought your first few days/weeks/months of motherhood would look like..”

Recovery will test you. Mentally, emotionally, physically. This is not what you thought your first few days/weeks/months of motherhood would look like. But this is reality. It’s ugly, it’s emotional, it’s messy. Lean on your husband (physically and figuratively) and your family for help. Take breaks when you can and don’t lose yourself! You are still YOU.

It’s ok if you don’t immediately bond with your baby, it takes time but it WILL happen. The first few months with a newborn are rough though. No sleep (but actually, NO SLEEP) and there’s no way to prepare for this, I am sorry. Just know you will sleep again eventually. Luca will be colicky, which is something will test your character and make you question if you are really cut out for motherhood. You are. YOU ARE EXACTLY WHAT YOUR BABY NEEDS! And don’t ever forget it.

“Succumb to the new status of hot-mess that is your life.”

You’re going to go through a lot of shit and it’s going to be a little while before you see the light. Just know this is all NORMAL. Everyone goes through it,  you’re about to ride the insane rollercoaster of motherhood. You’ll feel happy one second and cry from that, you’ll feel sad the next second and cry some more, you’ll feel guilty for wanting to leave him for 10 minutes and then you won’t be able to leave because you want to spend every second with him. It’s the craziest ride of your life.

And no matter how glorious early motherhood might look on social media accounts, they’re all going through the same messy newborn crap. It’s freaking ROUGH and it will take a long time to feel like yourself again. Just succumb to the new status of hot-mess that is your life. You’ll never feel like you have your shit together again. Welcome to the cyclical backlog of work, housework, and other “life” stuff. You’ll never feel “caught up” again. Anyone who says they do have their shit together? They’re liars, don’t trust them. We are ALL hot messes, all day every day!

“Do what works for you and do it unapologetically!”

No matter how much unsolicited advice is thrown your way (of which there will be a ton, just politely nod and change the subject), don’t ever forget that you are exactly what your baby needs. You are his home and you’ll get through this together. Trust your instincts. Don’t ever feel bad about your decisions, you know what’s best for your baby and family. Don’t apologize. Do what works for you. Cosleeping? Great! Nursing to sleep? Fantastic! Feeding purees? Doing BLW? Sleep training? Formula feeding? Breastfeeding? AMAZING! Again, do what works for you and do it unapologetically!

Babies don’t keep. Snuggle that baby as much as you want for as long as you can, one day you’ll wake up to them going off to college.

“Being a stay-at-home-mom is NOT easy. It’s really freaking hard.”

Lastly, I hate to break it to you, but being a stay-at-home-mom is NOT easy. It’s really freaking hard. I have been in it for one year now and it’s still hard. I love being with my baby 24/7 and watching him grow, learn and develop every day but you need breaks. Please take breaks and do not feel guilty! Go get your nails done or go get drinks with the girls, your baby will be waiting for you when you come home. He will be in good hands while you’re gone and you will feel refreshed and renewed. If you do not take these breaks you will only feel continually disgruntled and annoyed, and that pent-up emotion isn’t good for anyone!

Give yourself grace. Give yourself grace in all the aspects of your life. This is the biggest transition you will go through and it will take time to figure out your new “normal.” Give your body grace and love that body. It has not only grown and birthed a tiny human but fully sustained it (almost exclusively) by breastfeeding for 13 months and going strong. Be proud of what you can do and be confident in your decisions.

Stay strong and trust your instincts. You got this!

Love, New-Mama Christine

Check out my friends and their “A Letter to Me Before You” posts!

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Comments

  1. Holly says

    March 21, 2019 at 5:14 pm

    Motherhood never turns out to be what we think it will be like. But we learn to do what works for us and we survive!

    Reply
    • christinemcovino says

      March 22, 2019 at 3:47 am

      Exactly!! I love that Holly!

      Reply
  2. Naomi Rosenstein says

    March 21, 2019 at 5:27 pm

    Unapologetically. Word.

    Reply
    • christinemcovino says

      March 22, 2019 at 3:47 am

      Thank you Naomi!

      Reply
  3. Caitlin says

    March 21, 2019 at 5:47 pm

    “Babies don’t keep” – yes yes yes. This is so true. Beautiful post Christine!

    Reply
    • christinemcovino says

      March 22, 2019 at 3:48 am

      Thank you Caitlin!

      Reply
  4. Margaret Ruggiero says

    March 21, 2019 at 5:59 pm

    So Beautiful and touching, Love this xoxo

    Reply
    • christinemcovino says

      March 22, 2019 at 3:48 am

      Thank you so much! Spoken from the heart!!

      Reply
  5. Caroline says

    March 21, 2019 at 8:13 pm

    Gosh, I resonated with so much of what you’ve written. Thanks for sharing, Christine!

    Reply
    • christinemcovino says

      March 22, 2019 at 3:49 am

      Happy to have written it, thank you Caroline!

      Reply
  6. Michelle says

    March 23, 2019 at 1:48 am

    What a beautiful letter filled with so much good advice! I especially love the reminder of taking breaks and doing things for yourself… I wish I would have learned that earlier.

    Reply
    • christinemcovino says

      March 23, 2019 at 5:04 am

      Thank you Michelle! I agree, I wish I had this advice the first time around, self-care is so important!!

      Reply
  7. Rachel says

    March 23, 2019 at 6:22 pm

    Wow. So beautiful. I can relate to so much of this. Thank you for sharing your beautiful words.

    Reply
  8. Rachel says

    March 23, 2019 at 6:38 pm

    Gosh I can related to so much of this! So beautiful!

    Reply
  9. Brittany says

    April 20, 2019 at 11:06 pm

    I could have written almost this same exact post for my baby’s journey. From the trouble to conceive…the miscarriage…the pregnancy fear…loving pregnancy…unexpected emergency c-section…stay at home mom…unexpectedly bed sharing…similar feedings. .We actually almost named our boy Luca but ended up choosing Felix. His newborn stage was quite different than yours because he was in the NICU for five weeks due to unexpected surgery at three days old. But I had all the same thoughts and feelings and guilt. Thanks so much for sharing. It’s nice to know someone out there has experienced the same thing. So glad to have found your blog. My baby is currently 6 month old. I have loved every moment so far.

    Reply
    • christinemcovino says

      April 23, 2019 at 1:53 pm

      Oh wow Brittany, SO similar!! Congratulations! Motherhood is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, so many up and down emotions! But I wouldn’t change it for the world, it’s the greatest gift!! Thank you for sharing your story, you are one badass mama and you’re doing a GREAT job!

      Reply

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Mental health check in, how’s everyone doing?? I Mental health check in, how’s everyone doing?? I shared how I’m doing in stories today, we made it through the holidays but it was a lot harder than I thought. I’m sruggling in a few ways. Struggling on social media with the comparison game, struggling in general as a stay at home mom of two, struggling with a fussy two month old that doesn’t sleep, struggling that I’m unable to do things for me right now (like even go to the bathroom or shower alone), struggling with the omnipresent grief and anxiety, struggling with guilt — guilt over not giving my oldest enough attention, over wanting him to start back at school again, over not being happy and grateful 24/7.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
If I learned anything last year it was to accept my feelings as they come and not label any as “bad,” so that’s what I’m working on, that’s my daily reminder. As my friend said to me today, this is hard, it’s the trenches!! Be gentle. It’s hard and wonderful all at once.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Check in below👇⁣⁣⠀
❤️ - I’m feeling great⁣⁣⠀
🧡 - I’m feeling ok⁣⁣⠀
💛 - I’m surviving⁣⁣⠀
💚 - I’m struggling⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Let’s show up and support each other and remind each other we’re not alone in these hard days🖤
Took this week to unplug and reflect. Wild year. M Took this week to unplug and reflect. Wild year. Mixed feelings about a new year is not foreign to me, this is how I felt last year going into 2020. 2019 was Liam’s year, it was the worst but it gave me a perspective I’ll never lose and one I carried into 2020.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Through hardship you grow.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
2020 saw more focus on me, on my mental wellness + on my family. Less worrying about what people think of me, less apologizing, more doing what makes me happy (or gets me through the day). More of that in this space also. I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea so might as well be me, ALL of me💯✌️⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I’m not a resolution or goal setter when it comes to a new year, I try to focus on reflecting, releasing what doesn’t serve me any longer + manifesting/using affirmations to bring the good. Still working on what those are exactly for 2021!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
In the meantime I wanted to share some of my big 2020 memories and wish you all love, light, peace and healing in the new year✨⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
1-2. Our new family unit🧡⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
3-4. The birth of our daughter, Elora, the best thing to come out of 2020. She is the brightest light.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
5. Luca’s love for his sister + once again navigating a “new normal” in our family.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
6. Pregnancy after loss. Amidst a global pandemic. While wrangling a toddler. One of the hardest things I’ve ever done, it was pure survival mode (+ still is postpartum).⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
7. Growing the most beautiful dahlias and diving more into gardening than ever before, mostly as a form of therapy, AND sharing it all with you guys — connecting through our gardens was one of my favorite parts of the year + growing this community has brought me so much joy!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
8. Finding my groove and launching my oils business — never thought I would make more than my blogging income + be able to pay off debt😭⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
9. Luca turning 2 and weaning + potty training at the same time — his decisions, not mine!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
10. Liam’s due date in April. I remember wishing more than anything for the chance to deliver him healthy and full term, pandemic and all. We miss our boy + are moving forward WITH him, we’ll love him forever from afar❤️
Chaotic and beautiful and hard and exhausting and Chaotic and beautiful and hard and exhausting and awesome❤️ exactly how I want to remember this day. We’re sending you big love this Christmas, complete with our best “ewie smiles” (Luca’s term for silly faces🤣). I love how Doobie snuck his nose in there too!! Swipe for some special moments/things of the day❤️❤️
⋒ 8 weeks of Elora Leigh ⋒⁣⁣⠀ ⁣⁣⠀ ⋒ 8 weeks of Elora Leigh ⋒⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
You have been here in our arms for almost two whole months and my heart still skips a beat when I wake up and see you next to me. You are truly here. I still can’t believe you’re real and you’re ours.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
At 8 weeks you’re not such a tiny babe anymore, you’ve doubled your birth weight and grew four inches — a testament to how much you love to eat😅🍼 (pic four is day 3 for reference!). Your chubby cheeks are also a testament to your love of milk😍😍 The super sleepy newborn days are over😭 You’re waking up more and more, crying more too (see pic three🤪), but still giving us good stretches of sleep (4-5 hours) at night. You don’t love cuddling with me as much as your brother did, I’m still in denial over that! And you’ve broken out of the swaddle, sleep sackin it up already! Luca loves you more than anything and is always wanting to hold you and help me clean your “spiggups,” he calls you “mista baby” and it killssss your dad and I every time🤣⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I feel like you just arrived but also like I’ve known you forever. Happy 8 weeks of life Elora, you are so loved💗⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
#8weeks #eloraleigh #watcheloragrow
Unpopular or popular opinion? Gratitude is hard wh Unpopular or popular opinion? Gratitude is hard when you’re struggling.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Gratitude, when forced, feels like shame. As the wise @sitwithwhit said the other day, it’s  the new toxic positivity — if we’re going to feel sad, then we better be grateful too.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
The pressure on the bereaved to feel and express gratitude in their grief is REAL.⁣⁣⠀
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So here is my reminder — It’s ok to *not* balance out your pain with gratitude. ⁣⁣⠀
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To me, when gratitude is forced I feel inauthentic and ashamed. When everyone is talking about gratitude journals and how to “focus on the good,” I feel left out.⁣⁣⠀
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Let’s normalize expressing pain and grief without following it up with “BUT... gratitude.” It’s like saying that makes our pain seem more bearable from the outside. I get it. Grief is uncomfortable. Pain is ugly. It’s easier to look away. It’s easier to engage if the griever ends their thought on a positive, that’s the pressure. But what if I don’t feel positives in my pain?⁣⁣⠀
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If gratitude helps you to process your grief, that is really great. Everyone grieves differently. I spoke about this in stories today and 100s of you wrote in saying you felt heard. I’m happy it resonated, I’m always nervous to express these opinions but there are ALWAYS people out there who relate and need to hear it. You are my people❤️⁣⁣⠀
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So here are your reminders if you’re grieving or struggling this holiday season, or just reflecting on a hard year:⁣⁣⠀
❤️Be gentle with yourself, your feelings are valid.⁣⁣⠀
❤️You don’t owe anything to anyone, especially in your grief.⁣⁣⠀
❤️It’s ok to feel shitty, period. No ifs, ands, buts or justifications necessary.⁣⁣⠀
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Love you guys🤟🤟🤟⁣⁣⠀
📷: @mymotherhoodstory
This photo shoot took years off my life😅🤪 Do This photo shoot took years off my life😅🤪 Don’t let the cute faces fool you, it’s HARD to get a toddler to stay still and a newborn to not cry🤣 But we snapped a couple gems, these two quite literally light up my life💖 http://liketk.it/34ldF

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