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A Hard Day

Instagram Post 11/18/19

Today was a hard day. I woke up sad and the feeling just grew throughout the day. Like a heavy, dull, all-consuming pain. I am learning that some days I need to physically work through the grief. These past couple weeks I’ve rearranged the entire house, deep cleaned it and purged, finished projects we’ve been meaning to do for years and purchased some home decor I’ve had my eye on for a while. Like this faux fiddle leaf fig. And now I’ll always look at it and think of Liam which makes me really happy. On days like this it’s the little things.

Maybe tomorrow will be better but today I’m holding space for the hard moments and fully feeling the pain. If you too are grieving that’s the only thing I can say – feel the pain, let it out, scream and cry, rearrange the house, write in a journal, clean out the garden, link products for your blog. Do what you can because all of it is helping you heal. To move forward but not forget. You will never forget, and the pain will never fully go away. But it will dull and you will heal. I’m far from it myself but I have hope.

I think today was mostly hard because things had to semi “go back to normal.” I hate saying that. How can things be normal ever again? But life moves forward. Alex had to go back to work, Luca went to school. Drop off and pick up, smiling and making small talk with the teachers was no small feat for me. I also had to stop at the grocery store for a few things which killed me. It’s really hard to see everyone going on with their everyday lives and I’m over here hurting so badly. I just want to scream. But I wait until I’m home for that.

I know I sound like a broken record but I want to thank you all for your love and prayers and constant messages checking in. Even though I can’t respond to all of them please know I’m reading every word and you are bringing me more peace and light than you know💗

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Now the blogger in me wants you to know that this faux fiddle is the best one ever and is on sale right now at QVC. The 5’ tree is under $50 and the 4’ is $37, linked it below for you <3