• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
Happy national gardening day 🌱🌸 may you have Happy national gardening day 🌱🌸 may you have a bountiful crop this year, whatever you grow! ((Peony tip: feed early-emerging shoots with a high phosphorus fertilizer for strong, lush blooms!)). Find more gardening tips on the blog, link is in my bio 🌿
Liam ♡ In an alternate universe we would be cele Liam ♡ In an alternate universe we would be celebrating your first birthday. You should be crawling around, playing, laughing and eating too much cake today.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
You should be here.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
My sweet boy I miss you more than words, I ache to hold you. We walked the orchard and planted flower seeds in your memory. We got winks from you in the form of the earth waking up, all the yellow blooms, including your magnolia which couldn’t have had better timing. It’s comforting to see you say hi.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
And still, you should be here.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
He was here for a time. He existed. He mattered. He deserves to be celebrated.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I loved him from the second I saw the +test. I fell deeper in love every time I saw his energetic body bounce around on the ultrasound screen, I have all the blissful bump photos and I have the memory of his sweet little kicks. God I miss those kicks.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
My love did not end when he died.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Liam’s ashes, a few scan photos, my memory and an index card with his footprints are all that remains. I both hate that this is all I have left and am eternally grateful that I have them at all.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I found some comfort today but these anniversaries are also hard. I relive the trauma. The terror, shock, fear, disbelief, agony of being told your baby is dying. So deep and so crushing. Part of me died in that moment, part of me will never be the same again.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
There is nothing in this world more painful than living without your baby. You feel the heaviness, the absence, the longing for them constantly. The grief is always there, it ebbs and flows but it changes you to your core. You adapt to feeling the constant emptiness, your aching heart, your soft but heavy eyes, the shortness of your breath, that lump in your throat.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
And yet, I feel immensely fortunate to have carried you for every moment of your life. I will never regret the time we spent together, loving you, carrying you, feeling you, celebrating you and envisioning the life you would have had. I will carry the insatiable longing to hold you until the day I die. You will always be my baby. You will always be missed. I will never stop loving and mothering you, my sweet Liam James ❤️
How did we do with the bow!? It’s growing on me How did we do with the bow!? It’s growing on me I think 🥰😍
April 3, 2021 • just us this Easter weekend 💗 April 3, 2021 • just us this Easter weekend 💗
I’m not quite sure how she turned 5 months in th I’m not quite sure how she turned 5 months in the blink of an eye 🥺 My Elora. We are doing great ❤️ we’re nursing and bedsharing and babywearing and contact napping and I’m literally soaking in every moment with her. Months 4 and 5 have been the best yet. My body knows what to do and I follow her cues. We’re super in tune and I feel like it’s making both of us happier humans.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
There is this unspoken narrative in our society that somehow attachment between mom and baby is a weakness, a crutch. I say f that, it’s one of the most beautiful strengths that exists in this universe. Period.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Mama if you’re reading this and need some validation or reassurance, I got you. It’s ok to cuddle and rock and nurse and sing your baby to sleep. Follow your instincts, tune out the noise, feel empowered in your motherly intuition and find your confidence in that. It is so incredibly liberating.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I know it’s a confusing landscape out there for new moms, I hear you, it’s easy to get overwhelmed and stress that you’re not doing something “right” or that your baby is “broken.” I’m not saying motherhood is easy for me, it’s the hardest (and best) thing I’ve ever done, but when women have the support they actually need and feel empowered in motherhood, that’s next-level world-changing stuff.⁣⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Mama knows best, never forget it ❤️
Pregnancy after loss (PAL). Wrapping up this month Pregnancy after loss (PAL). Wrapping up this month of #pregnancyafterloss awareness by answering my two most asked questions ——⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
How did I know I was ready to try again and how did I survive my PAL?⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Well friend, I have no definitive answer for you. I don’t know how I knew I was “ready,” I just knew I desperately wanted to be pregnant again, and I do not know how I survived.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Contrary to what I thought prior to having my own PAL experience, I was not “better” or “healed” or “over” my baby’s death once pregnant again. I think the only thing I could do was lean into the conflicting feelings and accept that they coexist for me (grief and joy, for example).⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I want to share with you the two thoughts that did help ——⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
1. We were not replacing our baby (Liam), we were adding a sibling. Luca would be a big brother, as would Liam. My heart would expand for another child, not an “instead” child. Truly believing and accepting this was very helpful to me in my moments of guilt.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
2. This was the most profound realization for me: That I would love this baby whether she lived or died. How did I know this? Because the grief I feel for Liam is love. I love my babies from the moment I know they exist. So during my PAL I thought, if this baby died too it wouldn’t change that love. I embraced and accepted that. I think it’s actually what allowed me to take these maternity pictures two weeks before she was born. It wasn’t hope, it was that I loved her and would want to remember our time together either way.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
So maybe that is how I was able to survive. One day at a time, one thought at a time, facing the hard truths, embracing the pain of loss. Because, I’ll be honest, hope was hard for me.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Do I have magical advice? No. PAL was hard, it was a shitstorm of emotions and I feel like I just held on for dear life. Do whatever you have to do to survive, just know you are not crazy for the feelings. You are human 🤍

More resources can be found in my PAL highlights, reels and on my blog (link in bio) under ‘baby loss.’
This sweet babe is growing so fast!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Our beautiful @shoplovedua bassinet has been one of our most used baby items this time around! Functional and timeless, it is an item that grows with your babe, AND it’s discounted 25% today — head over to their page to shop 🥳⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
📷: @mymotherhoodstory
Growing through it 🌿 I was thinking back and re Growing through it 🌿 I was thinking back and reflecting on the past 365 days this morning. It’s been a rollercoaster to say the least.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Early March 2020 I found out I was pregnant again after back to back losses. I was hopeful and relieved but also doubtful, disconnected and terrified. I spoke in “ifs” not “whens.” I felt guilt and resentment and anger but also was so incredibly grateful.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
We were quickly approaching Liam’s edd in April, a time that I deeply dreaded, and not even one week later went into full lock down pandemic mode.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I was a total wreck. Things felt veryyy out of control and uncertain.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I did the only thing I could do, I focused on what I could control. I continued therapy, started using tools like essential oils to help me stay grounded + present and threw myself full force into gardening.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I quite literally and physically GREW through my anxiety, pain and grief last year. My garden kept me grounded and sane and helped me feel connected to my body and my heart, out in the garden was one of the only places I felt safe letting my mind wander and imagine a living baby in my arms.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Growing veggies and flowers for my family was within my control and was exactly what I needed in this situation of heavy uncertainty — uncertainty both within myself and in the world.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
March 2020 and March 2021 Christines are very different, I’ve realized the journey isn’t TO healing, healing IS the journey, it’s doesn’t ever end. I’m proud of where I’m at and humbled to think about where I’ve come from 💗
Elora Leigh is 4 months old!⁣⁣⠀ ⁣⁣⠀ MY Elora Leigh is 4 months old!⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
MY LORD. The joy and light this little girl brings our family🥺 If you would have told me last year that in one year’s time we would have had a baby and be living in a pandemic idk which one I would have believed less. Probably the baby. And yet here we are. Surviving through a pandemic with a toddler and a baby. AND A BABY.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
My pregnancy with Elora was one of the most mentally challenging things I’ve ever done. Pregnancy after loss is extremelyyyy difficult (for reasons I will go into on a future post). Pregnancy after loss during an unexpected pandemic.... intense to say the least.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I could not speak in absolutes about the future, as grateful and as hopeful as I was I could barely speak about being pregnant again. Yes, I allowed myself feel all the things but in a way I’m only just now starting to process everything I felt during her pregnancy (thank you therapy🙌). For much of it I was in denial that I would actually get to bring a living baby home. The trauma and ptsd from losing Liam was ever-present. I was next level terrified she too would die before I ever got to meet her. I was holding my breath and hanging on for dear life.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
So every single time I look at this girl I am still in disbelief that she’s here. She is here and she is healthy and she is thriving. The miracle that she is is not lost on me, the miracle that ANY baby is born healthy and alive is not lost on me. Every single day with my kids is a gift, as much as I lose my f*cking mindddd🤪 every day with my babies is a gift.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
These days we’ve learned to celebrate the simple things and the little things, and today that’s four beautiful and chaotic months with our sweet baby girl💕
  • About
  • Mom & Baby
    • Baby Loss
  • Beauty & Style
  • Garden
  • Home
  • Wellness
    • Shop Oils Kits
    • Essential Oils 101
    • Oils Kit Intro
    • Ditch & Switch Guide
    • Favorite Young Living Products
    • About Essential Rewards
    • My Story
  • Shop
    • Shop Oils Kits
    • Shop My Amazon Storefront
    • Shop My Instagram
    • Shop Clean Skincare
    • Shop Instagram Stories
  • Nav Widget Area

    • Bloglovin
    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest

Christine Covino

- The Blog -

Our Wedding Day

September 6, 2018 / Lifestyle

Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!

September 5, 2015 | Our Wedding Day

Alex and I have been together on and off since high school. Our relationship started out of a friendship, we were close all through high school but it wasn’t until senior year that we made it official. Of course, right before we went off to separate colleges! School and traveling made it hard to stay together though we did do long distance for a few years. Fast forward to 2010 and I was finally done with grad school, moved home and we rekindled our love! I started working for the family business in 2011, the same year we moved in together adopted our rescue pup Doobie.

Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Our hashtag was #beautyandthebeard9515, Alex has had a beard for almost 6 years straight now!

I guess September has always been a special month for us. September 2 was our “anniversary” before our wedding, we moved into our house Labor Day weekend of 2012 and now it is our wedding anniversary.

Speaking of our wedding it was really the best day ever!

I’ll always have the best memories of that day even though some things did not go as planned. For example… I woke up that morning at about 5am to my eyes burning like crazy, I went and looked in the mirror and to my horror my eyes were RED, bloodshot and sooooo so red! Of course, I was horrified and immediately woke up my best friend to help me calm my eyes down. I figured out quickly it was the glue from the eyelash extensions I had gotten the day prior. Take note – do not get eyelash extensions the day before your wedding!!

Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
The eyelash extensions looked amazing, but not worth what the glue did to my eyes!!

Because we spent the morning trying to calm my eyes down it wasn’t as laid-back as I had envisioned. I didn’t get my make-up done until late because I was sitting with cucumbers on my eyes trying to take the red away! It helped but they didn’t fully go back to normal the entire day. The redness coupled with my makeup coming out looking extra pale, (that was another disappointment) I was devastated because I thought I looked like a zombie!! Ok, that’s dramatic, but I was definitely upset about it!

Other than my zombie face and getting a late start to the day everything else was literally a dream!

Our first look took place in our driveway at home, it was very peaceful with just the photographers, but it ended up being really emotional because I had had such an off morning and all I wanted was to see Alex. Pictures happened directly after over at the farm, where the entire wedding was held.

Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Alex’s 1962 Ford Econoline made an appearance!

Our ceremony and cocktail hour was up in the actual orchard, we have a beautiful stone patio with a beautiful view up there and it was just a dream. The weather was clear and sunny and dry and the trees were just bursting with fruit. Guests were greeted with fresh fruits picked that morning from the orchard and glasses of Hardscrabble Cider (Alex and his brother’s company, we make it from our apples!!) for sipping.

We had a string quartet playing subtle background music during arrivals and then the bridal party walked down the aisle to the instrumental version of Michael Jackson’s “Human Nature,” (think 2Cellos). My walk down the aisle is a complete blur, I think I blacked out because I was so nervous haha! But I remember just focusing on Alex’s face and it calmed me. I walked down to again the 2Cellos version of “I Will Wait” by Mumford & Sons.

The Ceremony

Our ceremony was short and sweet. We had a couple of good friends do readings on love and commitment, if I find the exact excerpts I’ll let you know! They were very different and I know one was called “An Apache Blessing.” We wrote personal vows and I almosttttt made it through without crying haha. Then we did a special toast with the hard cider and also signed the papers in front of everyone. Our officiant was incredible, she is from Australia and said this was a very “Australian” thing to do – I loved it! I have to say I was so happy we hired a planner to execute the wedding, there is no way we could have done it on our own with all the moving parts we had! She was so worth what we paid!!

Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Alex and his brothers had just released Hardscrabble Cider that year so of course we incorporated it into our ceremony! And every bar was stocked with it as well!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Making it official in front of all of our guests! I LOVED this addition to the ceremony.

Being in our hometown we had a great turnout of family and friends, about 220 attended.

We celebrated under a tent that was decorated so beautifully by my planner, Amanda and Lori of Ava Flora (side note, go follow her right now on Instagram, you won’t be disappointed!!). We literally partied all night to the beats of Around Town Entertainment, and then our own pre-made playlists –  Alex and I didn’t get home until 5am!!

It was such special day, I’ll never forget the high I was on for weeks following the wedding. Committing to the one you love in front of everyone you love (minus a few people who couldn’t make it) is one of the best feelings I’ve ever felt. I am so grateful to be on this journey with Alex and I’m so thankful for the life we are building together!

Vendor List

Dress – Zahavit Tshuba

Shoes – Sergio Rossi

Long Veil – Alisa Brides

Short Veil – Zahavit Tshuba via Lovella Bridal

Jewelry – Swarovski

Bridesmaid’s Dresses – BHLDN

Flowers – Ava Flora

Venue – Harvest Moon Farm and Orchard

Cider – Hardscrabble Cider

Calligrapher – Ashley Buzzy Calligraphy 

Invitations and Paper Details – Paper Studio NY

Planner – Amanda Barbara Events

Officiant – Weddings By Bettina 

Tent – NY Tent Company

Band – Around Town Entertainment

Catering – Brent Newsom Catering

Rentals – Party Rental, LTD

Photography – Gina Esposito

Videography – Wellspun Weddings

Favors – La Petit Occasion

Cake & Desserts – Lulu Cake Boutique

Men’s Attire – Men’s Warehouse, suspenders from Nordstrom

First Look & Getting Ready

Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!

Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Alex and his brothers had just released Hardscrabble Cider that year so of course we incorporated it into our ceremony! And every bar was stocked with it as well!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!

Ceremony

wedding day

Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!

Portraits

wedding day

Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!

Wedding Day Bridal Portraits

Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!

Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!

Bridal Portraits by Jessica Miccio Photography

Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!

Reception & Details

Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!
Take a glimpse into our wedding day, complete with personal photos and a vendor list of everyone we used to make our day the best ever!

 

 

signature

Subscribe to the Blog!


Thank you!

You have successfully joined our subscriber list.

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Comments

  1. Jillian says

    September 8, 2018 at 2:31 am

    Girl it was so beautiful! You were the most gorgeous bride ever!

    Reply
    • christinemcovino says

      September 13, 2018 at 2:51 am

      Thank you pretty lady!!

      Reply

Primary Sidebar

Meet Christine!

Click here to learn more about me!

  • Bloglovin
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest

Instagram

Happy national gardening day 🌱🌸 may you have Happy national gardening day 🌱🌸 may you have a bountiful crop this year, whatever you grow! ((Peony tip: feed early-emerging shoots with a high phosphorus fertilizer for strong, lush blooms!)). Find more gardening tips on the blog, link is in my bio 🌿
Liam ♡ In an alternate universe we would be cele Liam ♡ In an alternate universe we would be celebrating your first birthday. You should be crawling around, playing, laughing and eating too much cake today.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
You should be here.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
My sweet boy I miss you more than words, I ache to hold you. We walked the orchard and planted flower seeds in your memory. We got winks from you in the form of the earth waking up, all the yellow blooms, including your magnolia which couldn’t have had better timing. It’s comforting to see you say hi.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
And still, you should be here.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
He was here for a time. He existed. He mattered. He deserves to be celebrated.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I loved him from the second I saw the +test. I fell deeper in love every time I saw his energetic body bounce around on the ultrasound screen, I have all the blissful bump photos and I have the memory of his sweet little kicks. God I miss those kicks.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
My love did not end when he died.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Liam’s ashes, a few scan photos, my memory and an index card with his footprints are all that remains. I both hate that this is all I have left and am eternally grateful that I have them at all.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I found some comfort today but these anniversaries are also hard. I relive the trauma. The terror, shock, fear, disbelief, agony of being told your baby is dying. So deep and so crushing. Part of me died in that moment, part of me will never be the same again.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
There is nothing in this world more painful than living without your baby. You feel the heaviness, the absence, the longing for them constantly. The grief is always there, it ebbs and flows but it changes you to your core. You adapt to feeling the constant emptiness, your aching heart, your soft but heavy eyes, the shortness of your breath, that lump in your throat.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
And yet, I feel immensely fortunate to have carried you for every moment of your life. I will never regret the time we spent together, loving you, carrying you, feeling you, celebrating you and envisioning the life you would have had. I will carry the insatiable longing to hold you until the day I die. You will always be my baby. You will always be missed. I will never stop loving and mothering you, my sweet Liam James ❤️
How did we do with the bow!? It’s growing on me How did we do with the bow!? It’s growing on me I think 🥰😍
April 3, 2021 • just us this Easter weekend 💗 April 3, 2021 • just us this Easter weekend 💗
I’m not quite sure how she turned 5 months in th I’m not quite sure how she turned 5 months in the blink of an eye 🥺 My Elora. We are doing great ❤️ we’re nursing and bedsharing and babywearing and contact napping and I’m literally soaking in every moment with her. Months 4 and 5 have been the best yet. My body knows what to do and I follow her cues. We’re super in tune and I feel like it’s making both of us happier humans.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
There is this unspoken narrative in our society that somehow attachment between mom and baby is a weakness, a crutch. I say f that, it’s one of the most beautiful strengths that exists in this universe. Period.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Mama if you’re reading this and need some validation or reassurance, I got you. It’s ok to cuddle and rock and nurse and sing your baby to sleep. Follow your instincts, tune out the noise, feel empowered in your motherly intuition and find your confidence in that. It is so incredibly liberating.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I know it’s a confusing landscape out there for new moms, I hear you, it’s easy to get overwhelmed and stress that you’re not doing something “right” or that your baby is “broken.” I’m not saying motherhood is easy for me, it’s the hardest (and best) thing I’ve ever done, but when women have the support they actually need and feel empowered in motherhood, that’s next-level world-changing stuff.⁣⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Mama knows best, never forget it ❤️
Pregnancy after loss (PAL). Wrapping up this month Pregnancy after loss (PAL). Wrapping up this month of #pregnancyafterloss awareness by answering my two most asked questions ——⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
How did I know I was ready to try again and how did I survive my PAL?⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Well friend, I have no definitive answer for you. I don’t know how I knew I was “ready,” I just knew I desperately wanted to be pregnant again, and I do not know how I survived.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Contrary to what I thought prior to having my own PAL experience, I was not “better” or “healed” or “over” my baby’s death once pregnant again. I think the only thing I could do was lean into the conflicting feelings and accept that they coexist for me (grief and joy, for example).⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
I want to share with you the two thoughts that did help ——⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
1. We were not replacing our baby (Liam), we were adding a sibling. Luca would be a big brother, as would Liam. My heart would expand for another child, not an “instead” child. Truly believing and accepting this was very helpful to me in my moments of guilt.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
2. This was the most profound realization for me: That I would love this baby whether she lived or died. How did I know this? Because the grief I feel for Liam is love. I love my babies from the moment I know they exist. So during my PAL I thought, if this baby died too it wouldn’t change that love. I embraced and accepted that. I think it’s actually what allowed me to take these maternity pictures two weeks before she was born. It wasn’t hope, it was that I loved her and would want to remember our time together either way.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
So maybe that is how I was able to survive. One day at a time, one thought at a time, facing the hard truths, embracing the pain of loss. Because, I’ll be honest, hope was hard for me.⁣⁣⠀
⁣⁣⠀
Do I have magical advice? No. PAL was hard, it was a shitstorm of emotions and I feel like I just held on for dear life. Do whatever you have to do to survive, just know you are not crazy for the feelings. You are human 🤍

More resources can be found in my PAL highlights, reels and on my blog (link in bio) under ‘baby loss.’

JOIN THE TRIBE

______________________________

Thank You!


You have successfully joined our subscriber list.

Recent Posts

Essential Oils 101

My Favorite Spring Dresses

Categories

  • Baby Loss
  • Beauty & Style
  • Gardening
  • Gift Guides
  • Home
  • Lifestyle
  • Mom & Baby
  • Travel
  • Wellness

Trending Posts

Ten Ways to Easily Babyproof Your Home

These gooey chocolate chip cookies are not only easy to make, but taste delcious. I love making these becuase they are so easy even kids can help.

GOOEY CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

Get to Know Your Starter Kit!

Gardening Favorites

Copyright © 2021 · Christine Covino · Site Credit · Branding by High Note Designs · Privacy Policy